


To Love Again

by tryingtowritestories



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Jonnor - Freeform, M/M, connor stevens - Freeform, jude adams foster - Freeform, the fosters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-04-22 21:55:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 43,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4851869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tryingtowritestories/pseuds/tryingtowritestories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor always notices the quiet Jude who seems to have a mysterious past. Through a series of events, the two are drawn to each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chance Encounter

To Love Again  
Chapter 1

Chance Encounter

(Author’s (?) Note: Now I’m not really a writer hence the question if I should really call myself author of this or writer of this fic. So this will probably be a train wreck. I just decided to try once I got the idea for this story. Chapter 1 might not present a lot on where the direction is going but I hope to everyone will stick until the end of it will enjoy it. I will not reveal who I am since it’s kinda embarrassing how I suck at this. I will just try. Comments I guess are welcome.

Chapter Summary: Jude is a quiet guy. Connor notices Jude, always. An encounter on the library might be the start of something.

Connor’s POV

If there’s one constant thing that Connor always notices in this school is this kid named Jude. Jude the mysterious quiet guy who arrived at this school at the start of the semester 2 months ago Apparently, he’s a transfer student. It’s a common occurrence of people transferring here since it’s one of the best schools in the state. So it’s not out of the ordinary. 

You know there’s always that one kid that stands out in the crowd even if the said person doesn’t do anything in the first place, that is Jude. It just became a thing. I guess once you light a beacon on yourself, it’s hard to put it down. Or turn it off in another manner. 

Flashback to the first week of the semester where everyone was buzzing over the new student. If you think this thing only happens at High School, well for some weird reason it happens at this college too. At this point, Connor didn’t know anything about Jude yet. He just knows that he’s the new kid, everyone is talking about him since apparently:

1.He doesn’t speak much. Always either yes or no, or just simple sentences. (This was demonstrated as one of the outgoing people in school Taylor decided to befriend him already by barraging him with questions on the first day) Well if you need somebody who’s very friendly to the borderline of annoying, Taylor is your guy, well I guess your girl in this situation.

After trying to converse with Jude for 10 minutes, Taylor realized that the conversation is going nowhere. All she learned was his name, what year and course he is in, and what classes he is taking. Much to her chagrin, she knew establishing a friendship with Jude was a lost cause. So she politely said goodbye that time and just joined her usual group of friends. 

Without judgement or ill intentions on Taylor’s part, she shared her feelings of not being able to establish friendship with him. Stories like this spread fast so, by the end of the day, nobody even tried to befriend or approach Jude at that point. Everyone must have realized that if the “most friendliest” Taylor can’t do it, nobody can. 

After the initial buzz surrounding him, Jude was just left alone by everybody. And from the looks of it he wasn’t bothered by it. 

His aura of non-approachable continued to emanate. He ended up just floating by everywhere. Going from class to class, sitting alone during breaks. Teachers aren’t even bothered by it, since he still participates in the class whenever they ask questions to him. 

Conversations between groups of people still revolved about Jude for the rest week. Speculations and theories were running rampant. There were lots, but the most ridiculous one was that he was secretly a CIA agent spy and he is doing a mission here in the school. 

Going to number 2 reason why everyone was talking about him is that in addition to the previously mentioned reason, there’s one more thing. Whenever he is lost in his own thoughts, everyone notices him to be holding up and looking at this cellphone. 

At this era, a cellphone is not a special thing, but what caught the attention of people was the model of phone was one of those ancient ones. (Well ancient in the terms of 5 years ago model. 

Everybody thought it was just his and he still prefers old school technology, but one saw him actually using the latest Iphone when he was calling his mom one day. As to why everyone knew it was his mom that he was conversing to no, nobody had an idea. So that just added to the mystery.

And also one thing to add to this piling up stories about him is he seems to be listening to something on this ancient phone of his. Connor swears he saw him cry at one point in time while listening to whatever he listens to on that phone. He just shrugged it off as nothing that day. 

But Connor soon realized that after that incident, he keeps looking out over him whenever he could. His gaze always wanders towards him during lunch breaks, whenever he passes by on the hallway, even on some of the classes they both shared. It didn’t bother him as much, but it was definitely something new in his life. 

He has a decent group of friends in this school, but something in his gut feeling tells him to befriend Jude. But he never acted on it. He just brushed it off.

And fast forward to 2 months, the present day, here he was, at the library, staring at a panicked Jude. He seemed distraught and looks like a chicken with his head cut off. 

As to why he’s in the library, this day, Connor decided to actually catch up with every school work that he is behind off. If he can make a list, I think the list can circle the whole world a million times, that is how behind he is with assignments and projects. He was a big procrastinator ever since. It worked before but he just has a feeling that he couldn’t wing it anymore this semester if he doesn’t do anything about it. So after his last class, he decided to stay on the library until he finishes up everything, or until he’s kicked out. 

It’s 30 minutes before closing time, when he noticed that he was the only person remaining. So he decided to stop already even though there’s still a ton of things left. He was gathering his stuff already when he heard someone muttering and half walking half running over the shelves. Curiosity got the best of him so he looked what’s happening. 

There he saw Jude frantically searching for something. He keeps going around in circles on aisle 16 where the Math books are. As far as he knows, they don’t have an assignment or anything due for this week for Math. (Math being one of the classes they shared) So he was a little bit confused as to why he looks panicked. 

Now here’s the dilemma. “Should I approach him?” Connor thought himself. “He probably doesn’t even know who I am” He contemplated even further.

For whatever the universe decided to give him that time, it was the attitude of “fuck it just do it”. Slowly, as to not surprise him, Connor approached the aisle as if looking for something to, and casually said “Do… do you need some help with something?” He stuttered a little bit and pondered “Why the hell am I so nervous?”

If there was any indication that Jude heard him, there was none. He didn’t even looked at Connor’s direction.

So with another wave of courage, Connor just approached him and lightly tapped his shoulders, repeating the same question “Do you need some help with something?” with certainty on his voice this time and no stutter.

Jude flinched a little bit with his touch. He was completely surprised by the look on his face. “No I’m ok” he replied.

“I don’t mind helping you, besides it’s almost closing time so it would be better if two people searched so it’s faster, what book is it?” Connor said as he started to look already, without even waiting for Jude’s reply.

This earned a small laugh from Jude. “Wait Jude, the quiet Jude who barely shows any kind of emotions, just laughed at me?” Connor contemplated as he looked over Jude with a confused look. “Did I do something funny?” as he put his hands at the back of his head with a continued confusion.

“It’s just like you’re an eager puppy. I didn’t even said what I was searching for” Jude said with still a slight laugh on his voice. 

At this point Connor noticed that Jude was a little bit relaxed now compared to his panicked state a while ago. And is his ear functioning correctly? Connor swears that’s the longest sentence Jude has ever said to someone. Well at least in school. They were both silent for several minutes until Connor decided to break it. “I’m Connor by the way” offering his hand to Jude

“Jude, and yes you’re Connor. I know you already” Jude said while he shakes Connor’s hand. “We share some classes” he furthered explained.

“I didn’t know I was that noticeable” now with more confusion on Connor’s face.

“……… only you” Jude muttered in a barely audible voice, as he tore away his gaze on Connor. 

Connor didn’t here anything, and didn’t push it. Instead, he just went back to the topic at hand. “What book are you searching for?” Connor smiled as he offered help again. 

“Uhmmm…. I’m not searching for a book actually” Still looking down. “I’m searching for an old cellphone, I’m pretty sure I lost it here somewhere on aisle 16 where the history books are” 

Now this time, it was Connor who laughed. This made Jude look over him. “You will not find it here then since History books are on Aisle 18 not here on Aisle 16. 16 is the Math Section.

“I’m so stupid, sorry.” Jude said as he blushed over the embarrassment. 

“No problem man, so shall we go and search on the proper aisle then” slightly bumping his fist at Jude’s arm, teasing him slightly. 

“Shut up” Jude said as he hit Connor’s arm playfully.

Now as they were both going to Aisle 18, Connor pondered about the situation. This Jude that he was seeing was a complete opposite on what he see’s outside the confines of this library. The Jude that he observes barely talks and is not outgoing. Completely off track with what just transpired between them. Well, if he’s this talkative at this point, might as well take advantage of it.

“So is it this gray cellphone you’re always looking and listening to?” Connor inquired.

“Yes” Jude replied but realization must’ve struck him after several seconds as he stopped on his tracks and turned around to Connor “How did you know?”

“I just see you all the time with it so I guessed it was it? Seems kinda important to you” Connor said not mentioning that he saw Jude crying over it. 

“Ah yes, that’s the one. I was here a while ago and might’ve dropped it here” Jude then resumed to going to the aisle.

When they reached 18, Connor suggested “I’ll search this end, you search the opposite?”

“Sure”

So they started searching for it. The Aisle was a long one but since both of them searched for a cellphone, they thought it will be easy. But it took them more time than expected. In the end, it was Connor who found it. Someone must’ve kicked it accidentally since he found it stucked at the bottom of a junction between two bookshelves. It was even a task to get it since he needed to insert at least half his arm just to reach it. As soon as he got it, he called Jude over. Jude ran with an amazing speed towards him.  
He handed it over as soon as he reached him.

“Thanks, this means a lot.” As he pocketed the phone.

Connor was tempted to ask details about to why the phone was that important, but held back. It might be a personal question, and he didn’t want to push his luck. Sure Jude conversed with him right now but he might revert back immediately and he didn’t want that. 

Instead he asked “So are you going back to your dorm now?”

“Yeah, it’s kinda late”

“What dorm are you?” Connor inquired

“I’m on Casgrain Dorm”

“Seriously?! I live there too!” Connor exclaimed “How come I didn’t notice you? If you want we can go back together, Ill just gather and get my stuff and meet you…….”

Connor never finished his sentence as they were both surprised that all the lights on the library went out and the sound of the metal doors of the entrance closing in. 

“Are you kidding me right now?!” Both of them said as they realized what just happened.

Note:

Well that's it for Chapter 1 I guess.  
I wrote this while listening to a random spotify playlist I found.


	2. Giving and Sharing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude and Connor discover that they are stuck and will be spending the night in the library. What will happen between the two?

To Love Again

Chapter 2

Giving and Sharing

 

Author’s (?) Note : Well here we are at chapter 2. I didn’t know that people will read it in the first place so here goes the continuation. 

As soon as they realized they were being locked in the library, they both started to run as fast as possible towards the entrance. With the hope of calling out the librarian or the person responsible for the building, they shouted as loud as possible.

“Hey we’re still here” Connor shouted.

“Come back please!” Jude added.

Unfortunately, no one heard them.“ How the hell did the person got out so fast? ” Connor exasperated as he just punched the doors. Thankfully the glass didn’t break.  
After several more seconds, they heard a car sound going away.

“Well there goes our chances of getting out here” Jude said as he just dropped on the floor and sit down. Clearly giving up already.

“Well we still have this?” As Connor showed his cellphone. “I’ll try to contact some of my friends” he started to search his list already and pressed call.

Jude seeing what Connor was doing whipped out his phone.  
His iPhone, Connor noticed, not the one that they were just searching a while ago.  
Jude started to call someone also.

Within 20 minutes of trying and exhausting every possible options they both just gave up. Connor, just joined Jude on the floor and sat down.

“Well I tried all my friends, but apparently everyone’s on a party right now. They mentioned it a while ago to me” Connor explained.

“Seeing as I don’t have any friends, I called every family member within the vicinity but they’re not answering too. In the first place why are you here so late?”  
Jude’s words just flowed naturally as if he and Connor have been friends already for a long time. Well it’s not like Connor’s complaining.

“I decided to catch up with some schoolwork”

“Some?” Jude teased, a sly smile forming on his lips.

“Shut up dude”

Jude just chuckled in addition.

“Well I guess if we’re gonna spend the night here, might as well get comfortable. I know there’s an area here with couches.” Connor stood and pulled Jude up holding his right hand in the process.“

"Is Jude blushing? Nah it’s probably just the red hue of the exit/entrance sign above them” Connor thought to himself.

It turns out the couches that Connor was talking about was at the far end east section of library which was on the complete opposite area of the entrance. The library is not that big but it definitely took time because they were like strolling on the moon. Plus they needed to get Connor’s school bag and stuff, which they almost forgot.

All the way there both of them were quiet. Connor never let go of Jude’s hand, with the exception of when they got his things and upon their arrival at the couch area.  
Jude got the long couch since Connor basically forced him to take it. 

“If you’re not gonna sleep there, I won’t either. It’s partly my fault why you are stuck here anyway. So might as well take it” Connor said as he pushed Jude towards the couch. Not in a harsh way but just a way of telling, no further negotiations. 

The evening sky completely darkened by the time Connor was able to settle down. No stars are visible today. The only illumination they got was a weak light coming from the moon,   
which is already partly covered by clouds. 

Connor tried at least to join several couches so that he can have a make shift bed, but to no avail, with his hulking muscled figure, he couldn’t fit. So he decided to use some of the cushions as pillow and lie on the floor. Thankfully the floor was carpeted in that area. The carpet can even rival the comfortability of the available couches. 

Silence continued to be between the two boys. Nobody seemed to be able to think of something to say to start the conversation again. 

Lying down, with heads opposite each other, they both start to become comfortable  
Connor’s eye was starting to close already when he heard Jude speak up. 

“Thanks for helping me” As Jude continued to look up on the ceiling.

“No problem man, although you need to pay me back at some point”

This earned a look from Jude. Slightly raising himself up with his elbows, he looked at Connor and asked “What do you mean by that?” 

“I mean, I won’t accept a simple thank you.” As Connor gave Jude the tongue :P  
Again, this earned him a laugh from Jude. “I’m getting used to his laugh already. I hope I can hear it regularly” Connor thought.

“Well Jude you can start paying me back now, just tell me about yourself” Connor blurted out before realizing that it maybe too forward of a question to Jude who before these events speaks rarely. “I mean if it’s only ok with you, if not just buy me pizza sometime” Connor added.

“No it’s ok.” Jude went back to looking at the ceiling again. The clouds shifted again covering more of the moon’s light and casting more shadows to Jude’s face.  
Silence. Yet again. Connor thought Jude fell asleep already until Jude started talking again.

“I’m kinda bad at telling things about myself on the spot. But it will help if you just ask questions.”   
Connor pondered for a while, he doesn’t want to push it too far with his questions, but on the other hand there’s a million possible questions he can think off. He need’s to think this first question thoroughly, since he thinks it will determine how the conversation will go through. Finally deciding, Connor just asked nonchalantly “Do you like Pizza?”  
Even if Jude continued to look up, he could see the big grin forming on the boy’s face. At that point Connor knew he started it right.

“Fuck yeah” Jude said.

“Hey! Language.” Connor retorted

“Did you just Captain America’d me?”

“Wait you watched the Avengers?” a surprised Connor said.

“I’m not a caveman, besides, as much as it looks like I’m riding the bandwagon, I watch all of Marvel Movies, and other superhero movies and shows too”

“Woah me too Jude” Connor acted like an excited puppy yet again. 

“Is it alright if ask questions too Connor?”

“It’s only fair that you ask questions too”

“What’s your favourite among all the Marvel movies so far?”

“I really like Guardians of the Galaxy. I just fell in love with the visuals and the characters. I like that they did not take themselves too seriously. I even started reading the comics after I   
saw the movie, did you watch it like a million times like I did?”

“Yeah I watched it tons since Matt….” As soon as Jude uttered the name, Connor felt he tensed up. He stopped talking all of sudden.

“What should I do? I feel like if I just asked, he will continue to shut himself up” Connor’s mind reasoned out. Trying to make the situation light again, he said “We’re such dorks”

“Yeah” Jude mumbled as he shifted his position, now his back towards Connor and his face hidden.

Rain started to pour outside. Hard. A lot of people will probably run to a nearest shade or safe place since there wasn’t a forecast this morning about any rain. Connor would’ve probably be in the same dilemna since he rarely brings umbrellas. For the first time, he’s very thankful that he got stuck here in the library. He was in no mood to get wet this evening. 

“Strong rain eh? I remember it always rained like this back home, and my mom always scold me since I hate bringing umbrellas” Connor shared 

“I always bring an umbrella in case of emergency like this, but I guess I wont need it this time”

“You’re mom must’ve raised you to be responsible then” Connor said with a slight laugh that was really directed to him not listening to his mom most of the time.

“Well, technically “Mom’s” I have two mothers”

“Wait you have two moms? How come?” Connor inquired

“I was in the foster care system until 13 years old. That is when I was assigned to the Adams-Foster home where eventually I was adopted by two of the kindest and most beautiful moms out there. Probably one of the happiest moments of my life. Now I belong to the best family I can have” Jude opened up.

“You have brothers and sisters?”

“I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. The eldest brother Brandon, is Stef’s, one of my moms biological son from her marriage before. Then there’s the twin, Jesus and Mariana, who they adopted before us. And then there’s Callie my sister. They adopted her also after me.”

“Wow you have a big family. Must’ve been chaotic”

“You bet. There’s a long list of story that I can actually share to you that will probably keep us occupied until the end of semester” Jude said with a very enthusiastic tone. All traces of whatever happened a while ago gone.

“Might as well start now Jude my friend”

“Friend?” As Jude turned his face towards Connor.

“Yeah, you’re basically my friend now whether you want it or not” as Connor made eye contact with Jude to show he was completely serious. This was it, as Connor is trying to pray to every god out there that Jude accepts this offer of friendship. Connor’s heart raced as the anticipation of Jude’s response. His resting heart rate was just a little bit over 50 due to all of the sport he did but he swears, it might be a thousand right now.

Just probably before his heart explodes, Jude finally said “If it’s ok with you, then I can’t complain.”

“That’s a deal then. As Connor stood up and approached Jude. He pulled him up to give a hug. “There, were officially friends now” Connor said with the biggest smile that can even reach the hidden moon right now. 

As they went back to their original position, Jude started spilling out Adams-Foster stories. He shared a multitude of stories to Connor. From Jesus’ crazy girlfriends, to his tattoo incident, from Brandon’s own story of crazy girlfriend and Callie and Mariana’s shenanigans. As the story piled up, there was one thing that Connor noticed. Jude tells stories about himself but only stories that involve him with either his other siblings or his moms, or other family members. There was not a single mention of anything from his school life, or previous friends (surely he had some before) or even a mention or allusion to someone named Matt. “Well if he was not yet ready to open that part of himself I will not pry over it.” Connor decided as he continued to listen to Jude.

The stories continued with them probably having a several minutes of laughing fit every now and due to Jude’s stories. Some of them are totally hilarious that they end up laughing and crying at the same time. They only stopped when they realized it was already late. 

“Well the library opens at 9 I guess which gives us barely enough time to go to our first period, let’s turn in for the night?” Connor said.  
“Sounds reasonable, goodnight Connor”

“Goodnight Jude” as Connor closed his eyes. “Thank you for making this night a fun night. And Thanks for sharing”

“No problem” Jude simply replied

The half moon finally decided to show herself up after the tumultuous rain. Shining upon them once again. Jude must’ve thought Connor falls fast asleep. Well on usual circumstances that would’ve been true, but as his mind was still alive and kicking, he did not fall asleep right away.

Connor opened his eye just to have a last glance at Jude if he fell asleep already. What he saw was Jude looking at the ancient phone. He was looking at a photo of someone. Focusing his eyes a little bit more, he realized it was a picture of young smiling kid. Correction, a picture of two young smiling kids arms at the each other’s shoulder, posing with a peace sign. Now he was completely sure that Jude is the one on the right but who was the one on the left. Is he Matt?   
And now that he looked at it intently, this kid on majority of facial features looks like him.  
Not wanting to get caught, Connor just closed his eyes again, and tried to fall asleep. As soon as he closed his eyes, he heard Jude cry.  
He just listened to his quiet sobs (clearly Jude doesn’t want him hearing it) until he heard Jude’s breathing even out and eventually fall asleep. 

Just as he himself was on the verge of sleep, he felt Jude shift his position causing his left hand fall on Connor’s right hand. The couch which was low to begin with, plus Connor’s position made it easier for Connor to just hold Jude’s hand the rest of the evening. Jude didn’t even react as he was probably in deep REM or whatever sleep cycle he’s in right now. 

As if it’s the only way he can comfort Jude, Connor just held his hand and soon he himself entered the realm of sleep. 

Note:  
I wrote some parts of this on the train while I’m on my way home.   
As usual comments are welcome.

I didn’t know if I described it correctly. Sometimes I don’t know the exact words to use to describe what I imagine in terms of position. Well I tried. Next chapter will probably be Jude’s POV on the same events. Or not. Let’s see. 

What I imagine how they fell asleep.

Jude >>>>>>> >\-----|---0  
Connor >>>>> 0-----|----


	3. Are You Here To Haunt or Forgive Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We shift into Jude's perspective during his first week at school, and the events that happened in the first two chapters.

To Love Again

Chapter 3

Are You Here to Haunt or Forgive Me?

 

Author’s (?) Note: Well here we are at Chapter 3. To the few people who are reading this thank you. Not a lot of dialogue on this one sorry in advance. You know I suck at this so what do you expect. Now onwards with the story.

Jude’s POV

It’s been 6 months already but the pain is still there. It’s the type of pain that worsens with time. “Time heals all wounds” what a bullshit quote or whatever. Whoever made that phrase up must’ve been an overly optimistic person that had it easy. That is what was on Jude’s mind as he was walking towards his new school.

At least in this new school, he didn’t know anybody. Honestly all faces are just a bunch of blank faces to him. He doesn’t particularly care since he knows that he will have no friends this time. Maybe shield himself already at first to avoid all kinds of pain or hurt. Connections or friendship and such will just lead to nothing. Jude knows that it’s a very pessimistic way of life, but with all the things he experienced, his eyes are already opened that is just how life goes.

First day of the school semester. Usually, new transfer students like him will get lost because of unfamiliarity. But Jude is smart. To avoid all of this, he actually went to school the day before and mapped out already where his classes are. This is again, to avoid any interaction with people by not asking direction

He was walking towards the lockers when he could feel like every eye is upon him. Let them stare for all they want, but seriously are we all in high school where everybody is still aware of new students? Aren’t we all on college and mature enough to just care about our own lives, or our own circle of friends. Apparently not on this college.

He was opening up his locker when he hears a girl’s voice on his side.

“Hi I’m Taylor. You must be new here, what’s your name?” 

Without even looking up at her, Jude just continued to put things on his locker that he doesn’t need for his morning classes. He just simply replied with “Jude”

“Hi Jude” The girl named Taylor said cheerily as she offered her hand.

Jude didn’t even bother to take it.

Taylor not perturbed by it, retracted her hand and just continued questioning Jude. “So what year are you on and what course?”  
“2nd Year, English Literature, Creative Writing” Jude said in a monotone voice. *

At that point on, with no choice, Jude looked up finally to who he was talking to. He was looking at this perky young lady who seems really friendly. But all the words that came up from her mouth was just buzzed off noises to his ears. He was zoning out already to the point of thinking already what he would eat for lunch.

Taylor must’ve noticed this because at the 10 minute mark of her since she started talking without getting any further response from him, she just said “You have a nice day Jude, see you around” and left joining her group of friends.

He felt bad for the girl, honestly. She was really, really friendly, but he just doesn’t want to open the doors, even to friendship.  
Closing his locker, he finally made his way to the room of his first class.

~~~~~~~~

His first day is really going well in his own terms. He thinks after the incident with Taylor, nobody tried to approach him. He’s not complaining. This is the perfect scenario that he could be on. 

The day goes by smoothly. He ate lunch alone, wandered around a little bit on some of the areas he missed yesterday, and further familiarized himself with the ins and outs of this school. There’s even a big upcoming event at the end of the week to celebrate the first week of school. It was nice knowing it but chances are he’ll just skip it. “Netflix with no chill” seems to be a more inviting idea than being surrounded by people who’s sole reason for that night will probably be getting drunk and being laid. 

 

Every class he’s in seems to be good. All the professors look competent and some of them are fun. His last class being cancelled since the professor seemed to have an emergency, it was early dismissal for him then. 

~~~~~~~

Fast forward to the middle of the week where everything was just as monotonous at his first day, until he got to the cancelled class from last Monday. So technically with this one, it’s another “first day”. The only different thing with this professor is that he’s not the typical type of teacher. He seems relaxed and not following the cliché scenario of a class. Starting off with a cheerful introduction of himself with a big encouragement of “This semester will be great everyone!”, he continued off with “It’s only fair that you will introduce yourselves as well since I did. When I call out your name, go here in front and tell something about yourself. Minimum of three facts please, not counting your name”

Jude paid no attention to the people that started going in front. He just opened the back of his notebook and started doodling things. He was about to leave since it looks like they will just continue for the rest of the period. As he was gathering up his stuff, the professor called “Connor Stevens”

A sandy blond haired kid started going in front, as he faced everyone, Jude was rooted on his spot. He can’t believe what he’s seeing right now.  
To avoid falling, he steadied himself by leaning his hands on the table. After several seconds he decided to sit again and watch the boy in front of the room.

“Hi, my name is Connor Stevens. I really like to play baseball and soccer, I skate also. I like to read books sometimes those adventure fantasy type things.” Connor declared ending it with a flashy smile to everyone.

He must be dreaming, or did he enter into a new universe. This guy named Connor almost looked exactly just like him. Just like Matt. 

Pulling out an ancient phone, Jude just opened it and stared at one particular photo and whispered “Are you here to haunt me or forgive?”

~~~~

The next day, he discovered that Connor is in some of his classes. Now he can’t help but notice him everywhere and every time. In fact he was getting distracted the whole day, he nearly got in trouble in Math class. He almost said the wrong answer to a problem they were working on because he was looking at Connor. 

Connor was becoming a streak of color to the endless haze of grey this school is becoming. To Jude everything was just a dull palette with the exception of Connor.  
By the end of the day, he felt like he didn’t accomplish anything in terms of school stuff. His mind is just being invaded by this person. Connor just crashed into his world without even a signal or warning. 

It was very tasking really. The emotional burden of this situation is taking Jude back to 6 months ago. All the wounds that were finally starting to scab or heal was becoming fresh yet again. The class ended and he started rushing outside. Once he was out of the building he decided that he needs to gather himself before continuing walking to his dorm, or else he was sure to collapse in the middle of the road. Going to a semi-secluded place that was situated in between the soccer field and some trees, he sits down and goes to the ancient phone once again. He went to a familiar section of recording and listened to “his” voice for probably the millionth time already. Before he knows it tears are just forming up and falling like cascades of waterfall from his eyes.  
He needs this release. When he cries, all the emotions that are pooling up from his insides are at least released. Like a full dam of water where you need to lower down the levels from time to time. The hurt is still there, but at least it’s less after every cry.

Unbeknownst to him, half of the reason why he is crying and releasing emotions right now noticed him. Connor was just looking at him from not so faraway. 

~~~~

Jude finally figured out how to keep things with Connor at bay. Distract himself with schoolwork. It was beneficial to his emotional state as well as to his grades. Of course he still notices him but now at least just to a bare minimum. 

This continued on for the next several weeks. It worked really well. His grades was really ahead of the every class he’s in which is good. 

On the other side of these events, Jude very oblivious, doesn’t notice that Connor as well notices him. Connor looks at his way from whenever they are in close proximity or when they are in the same area. 

~~~~

2 months. That is how long Jude managed to survive school so far. This particular day seems to be just another boring day in the list of boring days. Jude decided that at lunch break to research something for a story that he is working on he needs to go to the library. This demanded that he do some reading on history particularly tales from Europe such as Arthurian Legends. He was able to get some good reference materials and totally decided to start reading on some of it. Instead of going to tables in reading he just sat down there at the middle of aisle. No one was coming and since it’s lunch time he doubt that somebody will disturb him. The librarian doesn’t seem to be the type that will be strict and kick him out for this.

He was so engrossed in reading that he didn’t notice the time. When he looked at it he just had 10 minutes or he will be late for his next class. With checking out the books and actually running towards the room (which in this case was on the far end of the campus, he’s cutting it close.) Gathering up everything he rushed with an incredible speed and dexterity that he didn’t even know he had. 

He didn’t notice that the ancient phone he has slipped out from the pockets of his sweater. 

~~~~

Jude was late by just one minute so the professor just gave him a warning. Panting heavily he sat down at the back of the class and started jotting down notes. It wasn’t until halfway through the class that he noticed that that familiar weight of the ancient phone was not there. He didn’t panic at first since he thought that it might probably just in the front pocket of his bag, but as the search turned out to be fruitless as the minutes pass by, he started to get worried. 

When he finally accepted that he probably dropped it off when he was rushing a while ago he started rationalizing on what his next steps will be. 

“All of my next classes are on this side of the campus. I wont be able to run there and back here without being late for my next class and I don’t want to be late. But my class wont end until 8:15 PM. I guess I have no choice but to endure it and wait it out” Jude thought as he decided what to do.

Endure is an understatement. By the time he reached his last class for the day, he was fidgeting already. His feet keeps moving from under the table he keeps tapping his pen on his book without even realizing that he is doing these. He just stopped when the noise of tapping was audible for the whole class to hear already. He was reprimanded by the prof.

When the clock hit 8:15, Jude was already out of the door and was rushing back towards the library. 

The sky was turning darker than usual. It’s nighttime and it looks like there’s foreboding signs of rain already. Stars were not visible already and the half moon is not doing a good job in sharing some light to the inhabitants of earth. 

As he reached and entered the library, the librarian was nowhere in sight. He rushed towards Aisle 16 as he remembered that is where he was several hours ago.

The phone was nowhere to be seen. He already went back and forth several times already but to no avail, no signs of it. He was starting to panic already. Running his hands through his hair and circling the area once again, he didn’t notice Connor already approaching him.

As he crouched on the area he thought he was in this past lunch break, he felt a tap on his left shoulder as he heard the person asked “Do you need some help with something?”

“Something about that voice seems familiar”

He flinched a little bit due to the surprise, turning his face to the person, he realized it was Connor.

“What is he doing here?” Jude thought Muttering a reply “No, I’m OK”

“I don’t mind helping you, besides it’s almost closing time so it would be better if two people searched so it’s faster, what book is it?” Jude heard the other boy reply as he saw him start searching already without even waiting for his reply.

Jude laughed a little bit at that moment. He didn’t even know why he was so relaxed at that point that he just doesn’t care if he’s showing some emotions right now. 

“Did I do something funny?” Connor asked him

“It’s just like you’re an eager puppy. I didn’t even said what I was searching for” 

There’s a million thoughts running through Jude’s brain at that moment that he’s becoming overwhelmed. In the end he just decided to keep things simple and might as well go with the flow. It wouldn’t hurt to finally interact with the boy that has been on his mind constantly since that day with that class. Even though there’s a small voice at the back of his head saying that he should run away from this, his heart can’t help but jump headfirst towards whatever this thing is right now.

“I’m Connor by the way” he heard Connor said as he offered his hand to him.

 

“Jude, and yes you’re Connor. I know you already” Jude said while he shakes Connor’s hand. “We share some classes” he furthered explained.

“I didn’t know I was that noticeable” 

He noticed the confusion on the other boy’s face. Without even considering his next words, Jude blurted out “The one I noticed…… is only you” 

Looking away immediately, Jude thought “Did I just said that, damn I really hope he didn’t hear it. 

Hearing nothing from Connor, Jude relaxed once again as it looks like he didn’t hear his words. 

“What book are you searching for?” Connor smiled as he offered help again. 

“Uhmmm…. I’m not searching for a book actually I’m searching for an old cellphone, I’m pretty sure I lost it here somewhere on aisle 16 where the history books are” 

Now this time, it was Connor who laughed. 

Jude looked up over him and he heard him say “You will not find it here then since History books are on Aisle 18 not here on Aisle 16. 16 is the Math Section.

“I’m so stupid, sorry.” Jude said as he blushed over the embarrassment. 

“No problem man, so shall we go and search on the proper aisle then” Connor slightly bumped his fist at my arm. 

In response Jude said “Shut up” as he hit Connor’s arm playfully in return.

In Jude’s mind “Now this is definitely going with flow. I will just stop thinking about all of the small things right now and might as well enjoy my time with him. This might not last long”

At the end Connor was the one who found the cellphone. He really couldn’t be thankful enough as he thought he lost it already. 

“Thanks, this means a lot.” As Jude pocketed the phone.

Jude was thinking that this is probably it. This is the end of this small encounter with Connor. Well it was fun while it lasted. They will probably be back to the way things by tomorrow of barely knowing each other and just passing by each other here and there. They conversed a little bit more and Jude learned that they are living in the same dorm. Not that it will change anything between the two of them. Living in proximity doesn’t mean instant friendship.

Connor offered that they go back to the dorm together after he gets his stuff.  
“I guess I’ll give it to him, this will be my payback to him for helping me” 

Instead he asked “So are you going back to your dorm now?”

As Connor was just saying that he was just gonna get his school bag and stuff all the light shut off and the doors of the entrance can be heard shutting off.

They both exclaimed “Are you kidding me right now?!” 

They shouted in the hopes of the person will be come back but that failed. Both of them tried to contact everyone they could possibly get a hold on to but that failed as well. So at that point Jude realized that they will spend the night at the library.

Wait. Me and Connor, spending the night together? Jude thought he must be blushing already with just the thought. He could feel the heat rushing to his cheeks already. Thankfully it was not visible that warranted any attention from Connor.

Instead what happened next threw Jude’s mind into further disarray. Connor was leading him on towards the couch area he was talking about. This is where they will spend the night. What threw him off was Connor holding his hand, like it’s just a casual thing to do. Maybe for him, but for Jude, it’s not. It’s sending electrical surges already to him with just the skin contact among their hands. 

Jude just let Connor hold his hand as he does not have the courage to take it away. Deep inside his heart, this moment is taking him back to the better days. Just before the event that changed everything. 

After getting Connor’s stuff, they arrived where the couches are and Jude took the only available long one. Connor in fact forced him into it and he wasn’t able to argue any further. He just sat down there as Connor tried to piece together the smaller couches so he will have a makeshift bed, but because of his muscular figure, it was not successful. In the end he settled down on just lying down on the carpet, where there heads are opposite to each other. 

Without making eye contact and just staring at the ceiling, finally breaking the silence, Jude said “Thanks for helping me”

“No problem man, although you need to pay me back at some point” Connor replied to him  
Did he just hear correctly? Jude lifted himself up and asked “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean I wont accept a simple thank you” And Connor gave him the tongue after that reply.  
Jude laughed a little with that. 

Apparently what Connor just want is to know things about him. This lead to a conversation about Marvel Movies. Jude was so comfortable with him right now that this led to him momentarily lowering his defenses. Until he realized that he just said Matt’s name.  
As soon as the name slipped out of his mouth, he felt himself froze up. I’m so careless. Just mentioning Matt’s name is enough for the dam of emotions inside him to burst open. Connor made light of the situation by saying they were both dorks. 

Jude shifted his position so his back was to Connor’s as to not show the tears brimming on his eyes. He was thankful that the darkness of the night is helping out in covering his emotions.

After some time, talk resumed between the two of them, with Jude telling details about the members of his family, which helped a lot in recovering from the earlier event. Connor was asking him stories, and since it was a lot he said it will really take the whole semester to finish everything or it might not be enough really.

“Might as well start now Jude my friend” Connor said

“Friend?” As he turned his face towards Connor.

“Yeah, you’re basically my friend now whether you want it or not”

He was so taken aback by this. His vow of never opening up, never making any friends or connection when he came here, his conviction is crumbling down because of him. Because of Connor. “Matt is this OK?” Jude asked silently. Of course no answer came to him. But here he was, saying an answer to the waiting Connor. ““If it’s ok with you, then I can’t complain.”  
Continuing of with surprises Connor suddenly stood up and hugged Jude saying “There, were officially friends now” Connor said to him. Seeing Connor with the biggest smile on his face, Jude just accepted that he’s in this situation already. He’s established a friendship with Connor.  
Jude told Connor a lot of family stories. They laughed tons of times, not realizing that they’ve talked for several hours already. Noticing that it’s late already both of them finally decided that it’s time to sleep.

Seeing as Connor closed his eyes, Jude waited several minutes to just make sure that he was asleep.  
Pulling out his phone, he opened up the picture he always looks at. It was a picture of him and Matt when they were at a camping trip. Both of their arms slung at each other’s shoulders with their other hands doing the peace sign. Big grins on their faces and everything at that moment was just right. 

Conversing with Matt through the picture silently, Jude is saying in his mind “Is it okay Matt? This thing that I am starting with Connor? I know were just friends but even though I accepted it, I feel like I still don’t deserve it. Not after what I did to you. We both started out as friends as well, but here I am, and you’re there. At the other side. And it’s totally my fault.”

At this point he could feel the tears flowing steadily already. He could feel himself sobbing harder and harder. Jude hopes that he will not wake up Connor. (Not knowing that Connor was still awake the whole entire time) 

Jude cried himself to sleep. He was so deep into sleep that he didn’t feel Connor holding his hand the whole entire night. He descended further to sleep vaguely dreaming of various things. 

Notes: 

*I don’t really know if I wrote a right course for when you want to become an author. I just winged it 

Wrote this Chapter in 2 separate days, both of them while watching TV.  
This is way longer than expected so if you are reading this, thank you because you reached this part.

Comment are really welcome. Should I continue the story or it’s so boring that I should burn it already.  
Next chapter I will shift back to Connor’s POV.


	4. All The Small Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor seems to be realizing some things as he spends more time thinking about him and Jude.

To Love Again

Chapter 4

All The Small Things

Author’s (?) Note: 

Chapter 4 what? 1 more and then it’s chapter 5, which is halfway towards chapter 10. Ok I need to stop rambling now. In this chapter were back on Connor’s POV and we continue the events after their night of stay in the library. Hope you enjoy.

Connor’s POV

Rays of sunshine started creeping up from the window. Connor started to feel the heat at his right side of the face. He was awake already for quite some time now. He just didn’t want to move from his place and risk waking Jude up. It was miraculous from the start that he woke up even without an alarm. From all the talking that he and Jude did, he forgot to even set his alarm. It was 8:00 AM now so they at least have an hour left before the library opens, sneak out unnoticed and rush towards their first class. 

10 minutes passed and he decided to finally sit up. Oh and yes, he was still holding Jude’s hand until this moment. He playfully circled his thumb around Jude’s hand, while looking over Jude’s face. No evidence that he cried himself to sleep that night. His face was peaceful, his mouth slightly opened, breathing evenly.

Removing his hand from Jude’s he proceeded to brush a little bit of stray hair falling down at Jude’s face. “What happened to you Jude? What happened that made you hurt this bad?”

Connor feels that there’s something’s drawing him to Jude. Like an invisible thread pulling him closer to the boy. 

Without risking it further, he stood up already and tried to stretch out a little bit. He could feel and hear the cracks from his spine and neck as he do his usual morning stretching. Well if he has the time because most of the time he oversleeps and doesn’t hear his alarm. When turned around, he saw Jude sitting up already scratching his eyes while yawning.

“Good morning Jude how was your sleep?”

“It was really good actually. I dreamt of someone holding my hand though which was weird in a good way”

Connor felt himself blushing over this. Without denying or confirming anything he just said “That’s nice”

“How about you? How was your sleep?” as Jude started to get up as well.

“It was surprisingly enough because I feel great right now” Connor replied with a smile. “Anyway I need to use the toilette really badly though, do you remember where it is?”

Pointing over somewhere at the far left, “I think it’s over that way, but don’t trust my sense of direction though based on what happened yesterday.”

Smirking a little bit “Yeah, don’t worry I’m trusting you….. for now”

“What happened to the friendship you were talking about” throwing a small cushion at Connor’s direction.

He evaded it completely and started walking towards the direction Jude pointed out. “That’s part of this friendship my man” as he chuckled when he was far away from Jude’s throwing range. 

He just used the toilette really quickly, washed his hand and splashed water to his face to fully wake himself up. He smelled his breath quickly and see that it’s no that bad. Just to be safe, he gargled a little bit of water. He then made his way back to find Jude arranging back the couches to their original position. 

“You left a spot of drool over there so I think were in trouble Jude” Connor teased yet again.

“I’m sure they would appreciate the work of art. Look it even looks like Mona Lisa” Jude retorted. He further straightened out the carpet in which Connor slept. “There it’s as if we never slept here last night”

“Good work man” approaching Jude, messing up his hair a little bit. He then threw himself to the couch where Jude slept. “I’m extremely hungry though” throwing his head backward while massaging his stomach.

“I have some granola bars or something at my bag I think, I don’t know if you will like it though” he offered

“At this point, I’d rather have that than nothing. You need to eat something too Jude. Both of us didn’t have dinner also” 

“Yeah you’re right”

Jude started rummaging through his bag, as the granola bars lodged themselves at the bottom for some reason. When he finally found it, he tossed two at Connor who caught it without difficulty. He started opening one as he sat down also besides Connor.

Both of them were munching over it silently. As soon as Connor finished, he crumpled over the wrapper and overdramatically tossed it on the nearest bin. When it landed perfectly in it, he ecstatically said “Yes! Jude give me five!” 

Jude looked over him and said “Are you Seven?” although a smile slowly formed in his face. Instead of giving him what he wanted, he instead punched him in the chest playfully.

Connor suddenly grabbed the area where Jude punched him and a look of extreme pain can be seen on his face. 

Alarmed, Jude went near to Connor “Are you okay? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to put so much force in it”

Without even replying Connor just continued to groan, now shifting in a fetal position over the couch. Jude, now panicking a little bit shifted more close to Connor, but doesn’t want to touch him as he’s afraid of making things worse. “Connor, tell me what should I do? It looks like you’re having a heart attack already? I’ll do anything”

Connor stopped groaning for a second, and slightly lifted his head up to meet Jude’s eye. “You’ll do anything?”

“Yes anything”

Jude couldn’t see it, but Connor was stifling his laugh at that point. Several seconds passed then smiling widely, Connor tackled Jude and started tickling him. Jude was caught off guard with this. He couldn’t escape Connor who was on top of him now, relentlessly attacking (well tickling) his sides. Of all the cliché spots that are ticklish, Jude’s sides are the worse so he’s receiving the full blunt of this attack. Soon the library was filled with Jude and Connor’s laughter as well as Jude saying “Stop Connor” whenever he can or in between laughs.   
Connor’s attack intensifies after several minutes which resulted to them both losing balance and the rolling over and falling to the carpeted floor below. 

Positions reversed, with Jude looming over Connor, Jude started attacking him. It doesn’t help Connor that he himself is ticklish not just on the sides but the general area of the abdomen as well.

Connor tried to stop Jude but to no avail, adrenalin must’ve pumped on the other boy’s body because even though Connor is stronger and more muscular than him, he seems to overpower his 210 lbs of muscular figure. They both continued to struggle further, but in the end, Jude was able to pin down both of Connor’s arm above his head. They were laughing and smiling at each other until they realized the proximity they created between the two of them. Eyes staring each other intently, they both felt something. It’s as if the room is filled with electricity and now they felt like their breathing is increasing in rate. They could feel each other’s heartbeats steadily rising as they continue to decipher what was happening. 

All thoughts and words ceased to exist as they stayed on that position, completely still. Connor was about to do something, when they both heard someone open the entrance doors followed by footsteps by a person probably wearing heels. 

Slowly separating themselves from each other, they started to get their school bags and then silently tried to go out of the library without being noticed. When they were both outside, they turned to look at each other.

Connor was the one who said something first. Completely breaking the tension that was palpable between them, he said “Race you towards the class” and ran off at full speed.

Jude yelled back “That’s not fair!” as he soon started following Connor. 

~~~~~~~

Well obviously, Connor was the one who won, with Jude endlessly whispering to him all throughout the class “Cheater”. He just feigned ignorance to all the taunting of Jude. Both of them were so distracted to each other that they were not able to answer correctly the questions posed to them by Prof Mikhaela. 

“If you two are just going to talk over there during my class, might as well leave. You’re disturbing the others” she said with an edge on her voice.

They both publicly apologized and said it will not happen again. They continued though after that but sneakily as to avoid another outburst from the prof.

After an hour more, the class finally ended. Everyone is already leaving the room and the two of them were among the last ones remaining.

Putting books and notebook on his bag, Connor asked Jude “Do you want to join us for lunch, me and my friends are going to eat at this pizza place down at the Kent Street.”

Connor must’ve seen the hesitation on Jude’s face. Jude was silent as if he doesn’t know what to say. Probably he was too polite to turn down the offer.

“Or……” Connor trying to think of another option to present “Or we could just be runaways and skip school” smiling a little bit.

“I don’t want to be a hindrance on your plans Connor, just join your friends for lunch and we’ll see each other later” Jude said calmly.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes.”

“Give me your number then, so I can text you later. I don’t think we have another class together this day so it’s better if I can contact you.” As Connor pulled out his phone from his pockets, giving it to Jude

Jude typed his number over Connor, and the proceeded to send a message to himself as to know Connor’s. “There now we can disturb each other now” Jude jokingly said as he handed the phone back. 

Without replying, Connor proceeded to type something at his phone. Jude’s phone vibrated and looked over it to see that Connor sent him a pizza emoji followed by the word dork. Jude replied instantly with the smiley with the tongue out emoji. 

They both laughed at each other as they now head out over the room. Going towards opposite direction they both said see you later to each other. 

~~~~~~

Connor ate with his friends at the Pizza place he mentioned to Jude. All of them were confused as to why Connor was wearing the same exact clothes from yesterday. He jokingly said to to them “Well I at least changed my underwear so it’s ok”

One of them, Thomas just said, “Dude TMI”

“What’s TMI about underwear?” as he took his third slice of pizza already.

Conversations progressed here and there and Connor found his mind wandering back to Jude. He absentmindedly just stared at one specific spot, losing track as to what topic they were into. Jude was in his mind. He’s thinking as to what the other boy is doing now. Is he eating/devouring anything right now? Where is he right now? What even happened between the two of them at the library before they left?  
Without the chance of delving into the matter further, his train of thoughts are interrupted by a hand waving in front of his face.

“Dude you ok? You’ve been silently eating your pizza over there without paying attention. We asked if you’re down to go to the movies later?” asked by Luke, another one of the group.

“I’m just hungry, I didn’t eat dinner and breakfast so I’m compensating. But, as to your question, I don’t think I can make it, I have..” Connor hesitated a little bit because he really has no plans this evening, he wasn’t just feeling going out “I still have school work to do” 

“Didn’t you just do all of it yesterday?” Thomas inquired

“I didn’t finish it, it was a lot”

“Well looks like you’re aiming for top 1 Connor goodluck” 

“Yeah I don’t even see myself passing even at this rate”

They all continued eat, and share stories as to what’s latest with them. Soon enough Connor’s mind drifted once again to Jude and this time no one even bothered to interrupt.

~~~~~~

Classes that afternoon were brutal. It’s as if all the hard work he endured yesterday was all but for naught. He was still lost at some parts even though he asked it to be explained twice. In the end he just said that he understood already even though not as to not hold the class back and save himself from embarrassment. By the time he finished his last class, he was so exhausted and drained that he just didn’t have the energy left. He wants to teleport himself in his bed and sleep for the next hundred years. 

He was sheepishly walking outside the building, and slowly started making his way towards Casgrain dorm when the rain started pouring heavily once again. “Fuck, and it was so sunny this morning now this” Connor said angrily. 

He has no choice but to wait it out. Under normal circumstances, he will just run and don’t even care if he gets wet, but this day, some of the professors handed out important paper works that he can’t afford to get wet as he wasn’t sure there were even copies of it. Plus his bag isn’t waterproof.

“Just when I needed an umbrella, just my luck I don’t have one”

Trying to salvage himself from this situation, he tried to call anyone, but as soon as he started dialing Jude (seeing as he is the recent contact he can find) his phone suddenly died.

“Of course just my luck you decided to die on me right now” Conversing with his phone. This earned a look from people passing by him. He apologetically said sorry to them. What did he expect, he’s been out since yesterday, it was a miracle his phone even lasted that long. 

Giving up, he decided to just wait it out and sit on the nearest bench. He was just staying there for a couple of minutes and he was becoming restless already. Without his phone, he doesn’t even have music to listen to. It was scary how dependent he is with his phone.

Pacing back and forth, he just wishes that the rain would stop already. Just as he finished his wish, the sky decided to mock and send rain harder compared to a second ago. Giving a finger to the sky, he reluctantly just sat there and stared into nothing. 

5 minutes, turned into 30 minutes, which later turned into an hour. With Connor lethargically half sitting, half lying on that bench, he was starting to doze off already. Another hour have passed and Connor found himself waking up “Did I really just slept there” looking at how uncomfortable his position is right now.  
He then heard a voice at his side “Connor?”

Turning around he saw Jude, panting a little bit, but letting out a sigh of relief. “I was looking all over the place for you. I received a missed call from you, and when I tried to call you back, it said you’re out of reach. I thought you were just somewhere that there is no signal so I just texted you to call me back again whenever you can. When you didn’t reply, it clicked to me that you did not charge your phone yesterday and that you’re probably stuck somewhere because of the rain and I remembered you said you hate or always forget to bring umbrella so I immediately started searching for you. Sorry it took me so long as I don’t know where you are or where you’re other classes” Jude explained it fast as if he was rambling.

“You reasoned all of that from that one miss call?” Connor asked bewildered as to how Jude even remembered the umbrella thing.

Jude realizing that no normal person might’ve done that, weakly said “Yeah”

“Wow Jude, thank you really. I was literally losing hope already and thinking that I might be sleeping outside my room again for the second night in a row”

“Might as well start going now, I only have one umbrella though”

“It’s better than nothing man”

Jude opened the umbrella as Connor slung his bag and started to make his way towards Jude’s left side. They started going the stairs as rain poured over them. The umbrella was doing a good job of keeping them dry, at least in the upper portion of their bodies. As both of them are over 6 feet in height, their leg area though unfortunately isn’t safe from the splash of rain at the pavement.

The wind accompanying the rain isn’t helping their cause either. It just made it much more difficult to traverse the distance towards their dorm. They could actually see some of the weak trees swaying back and forth as if dancing joyfully in the rain. 

Jude and Connor moved at a painstaking slow pace. From a distance, it looks as if they are shuffling which looks a little bit ridiculous and funny at the same time. Jude also forgot to mention that the umbrella is more catered to his lanky figure, so as Connor glanced into him, he noticed that his right side is completely wet already. Jude wasn’t saying anything about it so it looks like he did it on purpose so that Connor wouldn’t get wet at all. Now that Connor looks at it, his whole entire body is in the coverage of this tiny umbrella.

Suddenly stopping at his tracks, Connor turned to Jude and said “Jude, I’m the one who needed help, it’s unfair that you’re doing this and getting yourself wet. I don’t want you to get sick” 

Looking at down at his feet Jude replied “I guess I’m caught red handed”

“It’s not like I don’t appreciate the gesture Jude” Connor then urged Jude to start walking again, but this time, while Jude still holding the umbrella at his left arm, Connor hooked his right arm on Jude’s shoulders, pulling him closer to his own body. He felt Jude tense up a little bit at the sudden contact, maybe out of surprise because after just a second, he relaxed completely. 

It was no doubt cold already with the rain being there for more than 2 hours, but the two being close to each other, they could feel each other’s body heat emanating from their own bodies towards the next. 

Here it is again, Connor thought. That feeling he got when they were at the library, with Jude on top of him after falling of the couch, he was sensing it again. He could feel the atmosphere between the two of them change, and this time he completely accepted the feeling. In his mind, he was thinking of all the things that are happening to him and Jude since yesterday.

Him holding Jude’s hand, embracing him and the feeling of pure happiness when Jude accepted his friendship, their banter towards each other, their wrestling match that ended up bringing them literally the closest to each other, and now this. Surprisingly, in a good way, all of the things he did, it felt natural. It felt very easy to be doing this kind of things to Jude. As if he knows Jude his entire life. 

The unshakeable image of Jude that’s been in his mind all day. And his overgrowing presence, like a hurricane getting stronger as each minute pass by. Like a relentless echo, never disappearing. Like ocean waves, crashing through his shores endlessly. 

Further delving into the depths of his mind and heart, this didn’t even start just yesterday. He might’ve unconsciously subdued it for the better part of this semester, but now he knows deep down inside, it all started with that chance encounter at the trees down in the soccer field. A tiny seed already planted at that day, and then developing roots slowly. Establishing itself, building a firm foundation, creeping up and finally surfacing. It finally started to bloom and now, Connor completely sees it. 

All these small things are leading up to one final realization. 

They finally arrived in front of Casgrain Dorm. Connor stopped both of them at his tracks and slowly turned himself at Jude. 

Jude himself felt something was coming up. In Jude’s perspective, he could see through Connor’s eye that something has changed. To be more specific, it’s like something clicked into place. Two puzzle pieces fitting each other. 

“Jude” Connor said, his breath a little bit ragged already.

Jude just continued to stare at Connor.

Connor inched his face forward to Jude slowly, until there was barely an inch of distance between their faces.

 

“Jude” Connor’s voice is laced with wanting. Of yearning. 

“Connor” Jude muttered

At this point, both of them are now looking at each other’s eye intently. As if sending some message to each other through those looks. 

Just hearing Jude’s voice say his name just reaffirmed what he realized. Without a doubt, he really likes Jude. 

Raising both of his hands to cup Jude’s face, he finally closed the distance and pressed his lips upon Jude’s. 

Notes:

Oh wow, did I build it up correctly? Were finally finished with Chapter 4 and they kissed. I don’t know if It’s too cheesy and too cliché but that’s what my mind came up when I was writing it. “Going with the Flow” indeed. The scene in the library was of course inspired by that garden playing baseball on the show. 

Also, If it’s not obvious there’s a couple of words I inserted just for the sake of including songs I was listening to at that moment. :D

Anyway what will happen next?

Leave comments down below what you think about this one, and also so I can improve myself.


	5. You Light a Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the kiss, what will be Jude's reaction to Connor's actions?

To Love Again

Chapter 5

You Light a Spark

Author’s (?) Note: Sorry it’s been more than a week since I updated this story. Having a full time job is really hard. I had the idea already on what I wanted to happen in this chapter but I just didn’t have the time to actually write it. Hopefully you still enjoy this one. 

~~~~~~

Connor closed the gap between their faces, pressing his lips unto Jude’s. He thought that Jude would pull back, or push him away, but soon enough, Jude was reciprocating the kiss. They didn’t want the kiss to end. Seconds pass by and then minutes, being lost into each other. 

Further deepening the kiss, they lost completely the time that passed. It seemed like time has frozen up around them, preserving the beautiful moment that is happening for them. Connor could feel every nerve and fiber in his body is alive. It’s as if a spark has ignited a fire that is continuing to blossom as he kissed Jude more.

Their kiss was abruptly broken when Jude dropped the umbrella that he was holding up. Lips separated, with rain starting to pour over them, Connor placed his forehead upon Jude’s. Instead of running towards the safety of their dorm, they continued to stand under the rain, all concern about getting wet, gone. 

The cold that the rain is bringing is not perceived. Fire runs on each other’s body, still an aftermath of kiss they shared. Connor could feel Jude’s breath heating him up more as he just stayed at the same position, with eyes closed. As if savoring up the moment. Deep inside, he was confused. Now that he knew for a fact that he likes Jude, it was all foreign to him and familiar at the same time. The paradox of it is really baffling him. Foreign in the sense that he hadn’t have this kind of feeling to a guy. As far as he was concerned, he had invested this type of feeling exclusively to girls before. But here was Jude, breaking all of that. Jude is the proof that he wants to be romantically involved to guy. 

On the other side of the spectrum, familiarity rests upon his heart. If it is really the first time, why is it he is so relaxed. Isn’t he supposed to be nervous with this. His heart should be pounding really hard now, but he feels content. As if waiting for a rain in the middle of the dry spell, and it finally arrives.

After several minutes more, Connor whispered. “Jude…. I” But his words were cut off by a single finger pressed upon him by the other boy.

“We should get inside first before we talk”

Of course they need to talk about this. Clarification on what is really happening is vital if they want to continue moving forward, either as friends or more. At this point, this is where Connor got nervous. What if Jude doesn’t like him back? Wouldn’t it be tragic if this will be one-sided. With these thoughts running in his mind, he’s momentarily frozen at the spot.

Jude as if sensing the heavy thoughts lingering in Connor’s mind, picked up the umbrella. He walked two steps forward, stopping at Connor’s side, with his face still facing forward. He laced his fingers and joined their hands. He then pulled Connor and guided him inside their dorm.

“This situation seems like a déjà vu” Connor thought as he slowly remembered the night before. Doing the same exact same thing with Jude at the library. He let Jude direct him as his mind is in a somewhat dazed condition. The sensation of Jude’s lips still lingering paired with worry on how Jude will respond now that he has shown his feelings.

He saw Jude maneuver their way inside. Going through the entrance and typing in their security code for the building, and then he realized that they are going on the upper floors. Connor’s wondering if Jude is bringing him to his room. He blushed at the thought of it. 

Soon enough they stopped at 3rd floor and made their way towards the far end of the hallway. Jude dragged him now as if there’s an urgency in his movements. He deduced that they don’t want to get caught messing up the hallway as water that is dripping down on the floor.

“Guess we don’t want to be responsible in cleaning this mess up” Connor said with a slight chuckle at the end.

Jude just turned to him and smiled. 

“It’s a good sign, he’s smiling”

They stopped at the second to the last door which was 339. Connor could feel that indeed this is Jude’s room. There was something about the R2D2 picture plastered on the door made it very “Jude”.

Jude let go of Connor’s hand momentarily, fished out room keys from his pockets, inserted the key and turned the knob slowly. He surveyed the room first, before pulling Connor inside. He further led him on the bathroom. Turning the lights on, Jude then slightly pushed down Connor so that he was now sitting down on a small chair besides the toilet. 

Rummaging under the sink, he pulled a blue towel and then tossed it to Connor. Connor didn’t see it coming as his hair was plastered down his face, obscuring his vision (he really need a haircut one of this days). The towel then landed on his face full on. He only heard Jude laugh at his front as he felt the other boy’s hand repositioned the towel at the top of his head and the proceeded in ruffling the towel in his hair. An attempt to dry it off. 

Connor was just staring at Jude. He felt like a child right now, with Jude the parent attempting to fix things up.

When Jude felt that Connor’s hair is acceptably dry, he stood up and got a towel of his own. Drying his own hair he returned to the room to get the both of them some dry clothes. Several seconds later, Jude returned with a pile of clothes. 

“I’m pretty sure I don’t need all of that Jude”

“I brought some of my larger ones, since I don’t know what will really fit you. In case you didn’t know you really need to workout, you’re fat” a hint of sarcasm and teasing is evident.

“Shut up man” as Connor gestured to Jude to hand over the clothes. He gently placed the pile of clothes on the sink and started to peel of the wet clothes that were clinging hard to his body.

“ahhhh… uhm.. I’ll change over here at the room while you change there” He heard Jude. He could see that the boy was flustered.

“Jude…” Connor said softly. 

Jude stopped at his tracks, listening to what Connor will say. 

“You can stay if you want, I won’t mind.” Connor’s voice was so soft as Jude needed to strain his ears to hear it. Connor was looking at his feet with his thumbs fiddling the hem of the shirt he picked up. “Besides we don’t want your room to get more wet since you didn’t change also”

Jude turned around and went back inside.

They stood there silently as they removed clothes of their back. In fact they could feel that both of them are looking at each other, but acting as if not. They steal glances at each other, failing horribly to conceal their actions. With shirts, pants and socks off, both of them are now down to their boxer briefs. 

They both eyed each other, without saying a word. In Jude’s view, all he can is Connor with his perfect body. Well defined chest, abs that must’ve taken a lot of time in the gym to actually get, and arms that are twice the size of Jude’s own. He could also see that Connor never neglected to workout his legs. Although looking at the finer details, he could clearly see a multitude of scars on his legs. Surgical scars from the looks of it. He also noticed a straight line of a scar running towards the left side of abdomen, in perfect alignment with one of his ribs. A mole that’s located near his navel, and small birthmark near his collarbone. All these small details of Connor’s body, is easily remembered by Jude, as if soaking up some newly discovered places. Places that should definitely be remembered. 

In Connor’s end, he could see the smooth almost pale like skin of Jude’s body. Lanky, but some slightly developed muscles here and there. He thought Jude tries to at least take care of his body with a little workout here and there. As soon as he thought it, he noticed a pull up bar at the top of the doorway. Jude has his own scars to show. More pronounced on his chest area. 

Jude finally hitting the threshold of just staring at Connor, turned around, as to hide his slowly reddening face already. “You can change first” Turning around 180 to give Connor privacy. He could hear Connor sorting out what could possibly fit him among the selection of clothes that he got. He heard Connor say it’s ok now and then turned to face him back. What Jude saw made all the tension in himself disappear as he started to grin. He was actually trying to hold back his laughter but considering what he was seeing, he failed miserably.

Connor was standing there, wearing Jude’s Star Wars shirt with a print of the Force Awakens Poster, and then wearing a shorts of with the same Star Wars motif. The shorts was actually really short in Connor’s frame. Connor stood there awkwardly as he tried to hide his embarrassment. “It was the only thing that fits. The others I can barely put one part of my body in it.” Connor offered up as explanation. Which didn’t stop Jude from laughing. He was practically holding up his stomach already as if it will splinter from all the laughing. 

“Why are you laughing at the first place?” Connor pretends to be angry. 

“You look like a grown adult in toddler clothes” Jude managed to say in between his laugh.

“Well you’re the toddler here” Mischievously, Connor threw his discarded wet shirt from the floor and threw it very fast to Jude. It landed squarely on Jude’s face which made him stop laughing. By the time Jude was retaliating, Connor already escaped then ran past Jude and towards the room. “You’re still not allowed here, Jude! Change first!!”

Jude was already putting on dry clothes. “You do know it’s MY room” with an emphasis on MY.

“I know man, I’m just taking care of it don’t want water all over your stuff. Plus I’m trying to escape you now.”

Connor took in Jude’s room. At first he thought he was gonna have a roommate, but the other bed looks empty and desolate compared to Jude’s side. He took in Jude’s side of the room. He had the single bed pushed towards the wall, with a black sheets and cover. He can see that Jude was reading a book at the bed, before he went out searching for him a while ago. Posters of various films and bands are posted at the wall above his bed. Glancing over his desk, a combination of school stuff and personal stuff are there. He could see some of the textbooks in which they need to read something, his wallet, his keys, an opened packet of skittles and a photo frame. He picked it up and see what looks like a group family photo.  
The photo itself was taken at what seemed like the backyard of typical suburban house. They were standing in front of a tree, all of them with the biggest smile. At the middle of it were two beautiful woman which he assumed were Lena and Stef, Jude’s moms. Jude was standing to the left and Lena and besides him, must be Callie based on Jude’s description of her from last night. Deducing further, Mariana and Jesus was on the Stef’s side, with Brandon at the end of that same side.

Jude peeking over at Connor from the back to see what he was looking said. “Looks like you finally met my family, at least in picture”

“You all look great. And you must really go along well with each other. I can see it with just over this. When was this taken?”

“It was my mom’s wedding anniversary last year. It was really fun that time since all of us were able to be together. Which is hard these days as majority of us are now in different states because of college. I’m the only one now that is even remotely close to our parents”

“Correct me if I’m wrong Jude” As Connor recited what he deduced who was who on the picture

“You got them all right.” As Jude got the frame for Connor’s hand and now facing him. “We need to talk Connor, about…. About the kiss” with a seriousness on Jude’s voice.

Moving a little bit as to make himself facing Jude directly, “I… I don’t know where to start”

Connor started to play with his thumbs yet again. Seems to be that is his habit when he starts becoming nervous Jude noticed. “Why not start as to why you kissed me?

Connor could feel his heart pick up speed. He was pretty sure Jude could hear it. Rain continuously wreak havoc on the outside with the wind growing strong already. Dark cloud to loom over everywhere casting dark shadows. Light posts outside are rendered useless as it seems to be defeated by the shadows. 

Tension remains in the air as Jude awaited Connor’s answer. Jude standing straightly, looking intently while Connor seems to be avoiding his gaze. Instead of offering up an explanation, Connor closed in the distance between them. Connor palmed the right side of Jude’s face, while finally looking at his eyes. With his thumb, he gently caressed Jude’s cheeks, as if it was a fragile glass that should be handled very gently. 

Responding to the affectionate gesture, Jude met Connor’s hand with his own, touching it with equal gentleness. He could feel warmth spread all over his body now. As if the heat emanates from Connor’s hand towards his face, and continue through his body. 

In all honesty, Connor thought to himself that he could offer no words of explanation as of the moment. Everything that he was doing with Jude up to this point, couldn’t be explained verbally. For him, it doesn’t matter right now. He wants to express his feeling to Jude through actions rather than a bunch of words.

For the second time that day, he kissed Jude. With his other hand, he pulled Jude’s body unto his. Feeling Jude’s body pressed against his, while his lips explored the other’s, he feels lightheaded. All the stimuli he’s receiving is melting him.

Further deepening the kiss, he shifted his face, changing the angle of his head. Jude allowed him access as he opened his mouth a little bit. Tongue explored the unfamiliar territory that is Jude’s mouth. This kiss is different from the first one. Deeper and with more passion, with a slight urgency. Unspoken words are being sent through the kiss. Through his actions. Connor’s hand that was in the other boy’s face joined his other in exploring Jude’s slim body. Roaming around everywhere wanting to know every surface of Jude’s body. 

Jude is responding to every touch and everything that Connor is doing. He wants this. He wants more. He knows that he’s probably breaching all the rules that he himself established, but at this moment, this moment that he is sharing with Connor, he didn’t care. Even the thought of Matt at the corner of his mind is further pushed down in the bowels of his consciousness. He feels like he was betraying Matt with this act, but something about the way Connor’s yearning for him erases every thought of that. 

Connor is now pushing Jude slowly towards the direction of the bed. Reaching the edge, and without breaking the kiss, both of them slowly lowered themselves. They both rested themselves at the center of the bed with Jude’s back at the bed and Connor on top of him. 

They didn’t even know how they survived after several minutes of kissing. Connor was the one who broke the kiss first. He could feel both his and Jude’s breathing are ragged. Opening his eyes, he could see Jude’s slightly swollen lips, flushed face, and his eyes. His eyes that reflected a need that he himself is feeling. Connor rested his head at the nook of Jude’s neck. “Jude…….” Silently saying his name. As if praying to a god somewhere

“Connor?”

“I….. I know that things maybe going fast right now, and I can’t seem to form words properly, but all I’m certain is I like you. I really like you a lot”

Jude was silent at first, but he raised Connor’s head so that he could meet his eyes. Responding with certainty now, “I like you too, Connor” 

Connor felt like there’s a but after Jude’s declaration, he stopped after that. At least for now, Jude likes him back. Everything will be alright.

“Can I kiss you Connor?” Jude asked, which earned a grin from Connor.

“Third time’s the charm I suppose”

And then they kissed and kissed, and they kissed some more. 

~~~~~~

More notes:

Oh God what have I written. I’m really a sucker for super fluffy scenes and I always imagine things like this. In all honesty, what I wrote here sucks compare to what I imagined. I’m discovering I still need to improve my word constructions.

Some of this I based on experience? (TMI I’m sorry) but yeah this is the end result of the chapter. 

Hope you are still liking it. Again sorry for the late update. Comments and suggestions are more than welcome. Even the ones that says it sucks. :D

See you next chapter.


	6. I'll Always Be Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Further deepening their connection, Jude finally reveals some things that he has been burying inside him for quite some time now.

To Love Again 

Chapter 6

I’ll Always Be Here

Author’s (?) Note: I can’t believe were already Chapter 6. It’s not really significant for most of you, but yey for 6! :D Well I think this is the chapter that some of you wants or not. I didn’t intend it to be a kinda smut story but yeah, it happened while I was writing. WARNING SMUT AHEAD. Don’t read if you don’t like this stuff.

Onwards to the story!

~~~

They continued to kiss each other, Connor pressing his body more into Jude. Wanting all that contact as much as possible. Without breaking contact, he pulled Jude up so that they were both sitting. His hands at Jude’s back, roaming around, relishing the feel of the other boy’s skin on his. Soft, almost velvet-like, and warm. Impossibly warm. Pulling his lips away and wanting more of Jude, he pulled up his shirt throwing it somewhere on the floor. 

Staring at Jude’s brown eyes, never breaking eye contact, he reached for the hem of his shirt. Waiting for approval, he paused for a second. 

Jude understood what Connor wanted, even though he was nervous, he nodded slightly. Connor slowly pulled his shirt up. He raised his arms as to make it easier for Connor. 

Connor could feel like his heart is bursting out of his chest. Here they were, half naked. He couldn’t believe he’s staring at the most beautiful boy he’s ever seen. He’s not even exaggerating. In his eyes, he’s perfect. Raising his right hand, he started caressing Jude’s face, lowering it down towards his cheeks, going to his jaw and then his neck, until he reached the area where Jude’s beating heart is. He pressed his palm over, feeling every pump vibrating over. He could feel the pulsation getting stronger as the second pass, relishing the moment.

With his other hand, he pulled Jude’s own right hand which was resting on his waist. He lifted it up and the pressed it on his own beating heart. 

They stayed there for quite some time. Feeling each other’s heart beat. There was something about the gesture, Connor thought, that made him feel more connected to Jude. As if he was giving something precious of him to Jude. And also Jude reciprocating the movement just made him so elated inside.

The rain outside has stopped completely. Trees stood firmly on the ground even after all the brutal attacks of the wind. Clouds have parted already, moonlight shining over the windows, illuminating the room.

He could see Jude’s flushed cheeks, and slightly swollen lips already. Connor is pretty sure that his face reflected the same visage he’s seeing right now. Just seeing themselves like this, Connor really wanted to do more with Jude. He wants to give more of himself, even if Jude might not feel the same way. He just wants to fill the void that the other boy must be feeling. Maybe make himself a glue to piece back whatever part of Jude is broken. He wishes that he could be that person that can pull Jude out from the darkness that he’s under. 

“Jude… do you trust me?”

He saw Jude close his eyes. Contemplating on the answer that he will give. He could feel in his palm that he took deep breaths before hearing him answer. “Yes” with such confidence that he smiled. Even though he will miss the connection, he removed his hands so he could proceed in pulling Jude unto him. Lifting Jude’s waist so he could rest him on his lap. Jude then wrapped both of his arms around Connor’s neck, and initiated the kiss between them again. 

They were both so deep in the kiss now. A sense of urgency yet again sprang between them. Connor, wrapped his hand around Jude’s waist so he can close the distance between them, if there was any left. They were both feverishly hot now. Their body heat mixing with each other. Connor explored more of Jude’s body. His hands feeling Jude’s spine, his back muscles, and finally resting in Jude’s butt. 

Unconsciously, he pulled Jude unto his. He gasped a little bit as the friction of Jude grinding into him sent sparks throughout his whole body. He could already feel himself harden inside his borrowed pajamas, as well as Jude’s own hardened member poking into him. 

Jude pulled away from the kiss as he burrowed himself on Connor’s neck. Jude continued the movement which drove Connor absolutely crazy. He could hear him moan loudly as they moved intensely.

Connor felt Jude’s hot breath all over his neck. Jude’s panting heavily now. He matched his movements with Jude’s. He never felt this good for a long time. Every fiber of his body is becoming alive as he felt more of Jude.

Shifting Jude’s legs upon his so that it’s now wrapped around his waist, he then continued to push him back to the bed. With him on the top, he took control of what was happening. He started to move his waist, grinding, rubbing his member over Jude’s hard on. With just a thin layer of clothes between the two of them, he could already feel the wetness as a result of their continuous actions. 

Continuing off he brought his lips in contact with Jude’s yet again. His tongue brushing the bottom of Jude’s lips, asking for entrance. Jude opened his mouth, which he took as an invitation. Connor once again entered Jude’s mouth. Exploring the becoming familiar area he’s enjoying to feel. He could feel Jude returning the favor as his own tongue danced against his. 

Aggressively, Jude pushed Connor’s tongue back, and this time it was his turn to explore Connor. He placed his hand both at Connor’s butt, suggesting to continue grinding over him while they kissed. 

Connor’s hands are now at Jude’s hair gripping it with a gentle force. He still presses his whole body on Jude’s. The skin to skin contact happening is enough to drive him to the edge. He felt Jude’s finger slowly slipping in his waistband, trying to pull down the only remaining clothing he has. Stopping his movements, he lifted his waist up and let Jude pull it off. Doing the same, he hooked his fingers along Jude’s waistband and pulled it down as well.

With nothing in between them, they continued where they left off. The first contact, Connor felt a strong jolt of electricity in his body. Feeling Jude’s member upon him drove him almost crazy. He was about to resume what they were doing, but Jude pressed his hand on Connor’s chest, pushing lightly to stop his movements. 

He sat up, as Jude did the same thing. “We don’t have to do anymore if you don’t want too.”

“No Connor, it’s not that” Turning his eyes away, as if embarrassed. “I just want us to see each other completely before we.. we..we do anything else” Jude stuttered.

“Oh…” Connor realized. “If that’s what you want…” Connor tilted Jude’s head back. “then look. This, my body, it’s not just mine now, it’s yours as well. 

“I want mine to be yours as well Connor”

Connor stole a quick kiss, accepting what Jude said.

Pulling back, he observed Jude’s entire body. With the moon giving them generous light, he can see the entirety of Jude. When they were changing a while ago, he could see stuff but from a distance. Up close, he could see the finer details of the boy’s body. He cringed a little bit as he noticed more scars prominently on Jude’s side. He had a vague idea on how he received it but will wait for Jude’s side to confirm or deny his suspicions. Lowering his gaze more and resting on Jude’s lower waist, he could see the fully erect member. He thought to himself that Jude was gifted in that area. He was big.

Jude on the other hand was feeling and tracing Connor’s scar that he saw from a while ago. He wonders how he got them. How could anything damage his body. Somewhere inside him, he wished he could take away these scars and the pain Connor experienced and take it himself. He already felt the worst pain out there anyway. Jude knew from all the things they did that Connor was big. What he saw surprised him a little bit. Connor’s length was almost the same as his, but his was much larger in terms of circumference. 

Reaching out on Connor’s very hard member, he wrapped his hands around it. He could barely hold the entirety of it. 

Connor hissed at the moment of contact as he felt the warmth of Jude’s hand on his. 

Jude could feel Connor’s pre-cum dripping on his hand already. Pushing the sandy blond haired boy so that he’s lying completely flat on the bed, he positioned himself on top of him. Sitting on Connor’s legs as if to pin him down. He continued to move his hands up and down Connor’s length without breaking eye contact. Increasing the pace, he could see Connor breathing heavily now, his legs tensing up a little bit. 

“Jude” Connor moan’s Jude’s name as he felt everything. The intensity of his gaze, his hand wrapped around him, the pressure building inside him.   
Gripping the sheets tightly, he felt himself near the end. With one final shout of Jude’s name, he felt himself release.

Jude felt Connor’s leg tense up more as he neared his climax. Hearing Connor shout his name, he quickened his hands more, finally feeling Connor pump everything out. His member pulsing inside his hands as he shot his seed everywhere on his stomach.  
He was about to stroke himself to release as well when Connor batted his hands away and said “Let me do it”

Connor this time wrapped his hand on Jude’s considerable length. Rubbing the head with thumb, he heard Jude gasp at the action. He started pumping Jude’s member as he held him in position. Making him stay over his legs. 

Jude took a shorter amount of time than him. Jude was already shouting Connor’s name when felt him releasing himself all over his hand. Dripping and then falling over his own stomach, mixing with his own release as well. 

All they could hear was their pants and heavy breathing. Sitting up once again, Connor pulled Jude into a kiss. When they were out of breath once again, he pulled out and rested his face at the side of Jude’s so that his lips are near Jude’s ears. 

“Jude…”

“Connor…”

Saying each other’s name as if it’s the most precious word out there.

~~~

They kissed for a couple of more minutes and decided to clean up. Well, Connor mostly since he got most of it. He went back to the bathroom to take a quick shower, leaving Jude alone on his thoughts.

He never did anything like this with anyone since Matt passed away. When Matt left this plane of existence leaving Jude alone. Burying himself in his own thoughts. He didn’t hear Connor return. He only realized it when he felt the bed shift on his side as Connor settled himself on his side.

Lying side by side, he felt Connor’s hand intertwine with his. Their fingers laced upon each other. Connor playfully rolled his thumb on his hands. Responding, he moved his own thumb against Connor’s as if playing thumb war. 

Connor, having thoughts of his own while he was on the shower, finally plucked the courage to ask the question he’s been curious ever since last night. 

“Jude…. Who’s Matt?”

He felt Jude froze up. The once playful thumb stayed there, rooted on it’s spot next to his thumb.

“I’m sorry for asking”

“No Connor, you have the right to know. I just…. I just need a moment to gather myself, before telling you who he is”

“Don’t rush yourself” soothing Jude with his calm voice.

He hear Jude taking deep breaths, calming himself down. “Can I hug you?” offered Connor

“hmmmmmmm” Jude muttered in agreement.

He slid his arm underneath Jude so he could pull him towards him, letting Jude’s head rest upon his chest while still hugging him. 

“I was in a relationship with Matt” Jude’s voice cracking a little bit.

“Was?”

“Yes, was. He was my bestfriend as well. We met when we were young and quickly became friends, and in the long run bestfriends. He was the only who stood up for me when I was bullied and for a long time my only friend. We shared everything to each other. We practically were living at each other’s houses already as we spent most of our time together.” 

Jude paused, collecting himself again. He could feel himself smiling remembering these part of his life with Matt. But the heavy feeling on his heart is starting to swell up yet again.

Connor was caressing Jude’s hair now, non-verbally supporting him.

“A couple of months into being bestfriends, things started to get a little confusing with Matt. We went to this camping trip on our school, and we shared a tent together. Things were normal that night, we were playing video games, talking about stuff, eating marshmallows, until there came a point where he asked me who I liked on our class. I clearly remembered something about the question changed the atmosphere between the two of us”

Flashback

“Jude do you like someone?” Matt inquired as he stopped playing with a small ball he was tossing around.

“What do you mean?” Jude asked

“I mean, do you have a crush on someone?” As Matt continued to stare now at the ceiling of the tent

“I guess I don’t have one right now, do you?”

“Yes..” Matt almost said in a whisper. 

Jude could now feel Matt move from his position, moving closer to him. The next thing he knows, Matt’s lips were on his”

End Flashback

“After that, I was confused with him. He was even confused as well. I felt like his feelings were genuine at that point but he suppressed it because of the fear of what his father and the others will tell about it. At some point he even got a girlfriend to mask his feeling for me at that time. He kinda used it as a front so people and his father wont be suspicious. But throughout a series of event, we ended up still on each other. I think deep down inside, even before the camping trip, I liked him already. So I was glad we ended up together. The problem is, we were still hiding. Both our families didn’t know about us. All they knew was that we were bestfriends.”

Shifting his body a little bit, Connor moved towards Jude. His chin resting upon Jude’s head. “I can see why Matt wouldn’t tell his dad, but you Jude. You have two moms. I feel like they would be more accepting?”

“I trust them. I really do. As I have said they’re really the best moms I could’ve wished for. But at that point, I didn’t want to jeopardize my new relationship with Matt. I mean, it took him some time to get at that point so I think he didn’t want anyone to know about it yet. To the eyes of everyone, we’re just best friends.”

“And then what happened?”

It took a lot of time for Jude to respond. Connor was just there providing whatever comfort he could give to Jude. Not pressuring him to tell anything until he’s ready.  
He felt Jude started to shake already. Hot tears falling as Jude started sobbing.

“It’s just my fault Connor. It’s all on me. We were happy, so fucking happy for quite some time until it went downhill. A lot of things followed but at the end, we…. we ended up in an accident and he died. It’s totally my fault Connor, it is.”

It was a struggle even to finish the last few sentences. Jude was crying uncontrollably now. Tears pouring down from his eyes unto Connor’s bare chest. 

“Things went crazy at his side. His father caught up to our relationship and he didn’t receive it very well.”

Connor felt Jude’s hands shifted as he wrapped his hands on his body more, tightening his grip. Embracing him for dear life. 

“His father abused him Connor. Matt was beaten up at a regular basis after that. And we weren’t able to do anything about it. We felt that if we told anyone, it would just make the situation worse. Things got to a point though when Matt started drinking. And in drinking, I meant a lot of drinking.”

“Did it come to a point where he was always drunk?” Connor asked, embracing Jude a little more tighter. 

“Yes. In fact, one day he came up driving to my house saying things like we should run together away to escape everything. I didn’t plan to run away, but seeing Matt’s condition at that time, I didn’t want to leave him alone. So I went along with him, just to make sure he’s safe. And what good job I did with that”

Connor noticed a change in Jude’s voice. A while ago he was sobbing uncontrollably, but now. It’s just cold. A numbness creeping up, as if Jude has given up completely. A sense of helplessness emanates from him, dragging him further to the ghosts of his past.

“I didn’t know how to drive at that time so I said to myself just be there and keep him safe. I should’ve just told him to stop at that point. We could’ve avoided the accident really if he was completely sober. In the end it was all my fault. We crashed that day somewhere along the cliffs near our town. I was so fucked up, I ended up being in a coma for a month. When I awoke, I was in a hospital. I had some brain injuries that time. I didn’t recognize anyone at first. Everyone including mom’s and my siblings I didn’t know them.”

“Why?”

“At first they thought I was suffering from a type of amnesia due to brain trauma, but after the doctor did some test, they told me I had Prosopagnosia, or an impairment in recognizing faces”

“So you didn’t recognize anyone of them at first?”

“Yes, thankfully it was only from the beginning. The doctors said that I might not be completely healed, but so far after that I started recognizing them. And then I suddenly remembered Matt. Apparently they were just waiting that everything was good on my side before breaking the news that….” 

Jude’s voice died to a whisper towards the end.

“That he died from the accident?”

Jude just nodded. 

“That’s it Connor. I’m fucked up. I’m the one to blame on why Matt died. To be honest, I really like you a lot. You’re the first person in a long time that was able to break some of the walls I built around myself. But I’m afraid, so fucking afraid that I will just destroy what we have or what we will have.”

“Jude…. Jude…. I wish I could take your sadness away.”

Jude was surprised at what happened next. He could feel something wet on his hair. And soon enough he could here Connor sniff repeatedly. He looked up to see Connor crying.

“Jude I can’t promise anything, but I’ll be here. Let me share your pain. Allow me to carry if not all, even just half of your burden. I can’t bear the thought of you harboring all of these inside you. You don’t deserve it.”

Changing his position so his whole body is on top of Connor, Jude proceeded to wipe away the tears falling down the other boy’s face. “Don’t cry Connor, it pains me to see you like this” Planting soft kisses on his cheeks, consoling him.

“But Connor, your words, that means a lot. I’m not imposing you to do anything, but..”

He could hear the hesitation on Jude’s voice. “What is it?” Connor urged lightly.

“Just be there for me if it’s OK”

“You didn’t even need to ask” Connor said as he close the gap between their lips. 

Pulling back after some time, Connor smirked a little bit “Although you can do something for me now that I think about it”

Jude looked at him, confusion everywhere on his face.

“Would you like to go to a date with me tomorrow?”

Jude smiled, leaned into Connor to plant a kiss on his forehead, and finally looking at his eyes, “Yes Connor, I would love to.”

They fell asleep in each other’s arms, lost in their own dreams of what will come ahead for the both of them. 

Notes:

My intentions for this chapter was to establish a foundation on their relationship. I feel like I wanted to show that they were able to trust each other, that they could be lost in each other, both physically and emotionally.   
I didn’t intend the slight smut part at first but it just kinda did. Not really sure if what I wrote was decent since it’s my first time writing anything sexual.

Also establishing a trust was important for me before Jude shares what happened. 

As for Matt’s part, I felt like it was the right time to already write a PART of his and Jude’s story after the aforementioned scene. This is not the full story, as you will discover more on future chapters about the entirety of it. This is just the appetizer I guess. 

Enough rambling. See you next chapter. As usual comments are so welcome.


	7. The First Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Jude prepare themselves in their own way for the date that will happen.

To Love Again

Chapter 7

The First Step

Author’s (?) Note: To all who liked what happened to the previous chapter, thank you. To anyone reading this thank you. You know what, thank you to all of you. I hope I deliver again with this chapter. This will be a toss in a void yet again and hope that it turns out well. 

Onwards to the story! (is this becoming a thing now?)

~~

Connor ended up waking first yet again. This time though, he was not rushing to get up. There was no reason as he will only have one class this day at 11. He did not know about Jude’s class though, but as he did not set an alarm, he might not have an early class as well. Or he just forgot and he will be royally screwed later. 

He smiled at the memory last night. He could still feel everything that transpired between the two of them. All the places Jude had touched, it was still alive. As if he had left his touch permanently.

The sun just started to rise, as it’s rays started to creep in Jude’s room. The gentle breeze coming from the window, that must’ve been slightly opened by last night’s storm, was sending refreshing aura to the room. Birds started chirping, almost singing if you listen closely, as if promising good tidings for the day. 

How one of them did not end sleeping or falling on the floor, Connor had no idea. The bed was a standard single bed, typical for a College dorm. So with Connor’s hulking figure plus Jude’s average body frame, it’s a miracle they were able to sleep easily throughout the night. Not that Connor’s complaining. He absolutely loved the idea of sleeping again next to Jude. Two nights in a row he actually managed to do it and he felt so happy. Well happier this time as he realized, compared to the library “sleepover”, he’s actually next to Jude. Like literally, “into each other’s personal zone” close. 

He repositioned himself carefully as to not wake Jude up. Shifting very slowly until his face is mere inches away from Jude’s. He looks at the other boy with awe. Finally admitting to himself and also to Jude that he liked him is such a relief. In retrospect, the feeling was always there, and now that it’s in the surface, he couldn’t be happier. 

He could see Jude’s face, very relaxed, his mouth slightly opened. Body rising as he breathes evenly. So peaceful, as if he has no burden to carry. But it was just wishful thinking. He knows that Jude is still lifting a heavy boulder from what happened to Matt. He knows at least the gist of the story. He has a gut feeling there’s still more to it, but he doesn’t want to pull it out of Jude just for the sake of knowing it. He will know the entirety of it when Jude is ready. 

It was hard seeing Jude breakdown in front of him last night. Before when he saw Jude at the same situation, he really wanted to help him, rush to his side, but he did not have the courage. After walking away, sadly, he detached himself because at that time he knew there was nothing he could do. But now, things are going to change. He is determined to be the person who will make all the pain that Jude is feeling away. 

And the first step to that is actually having a good first impression on the date later. 

“Date. Date? Date?!” 

Every part of his body tensed up and suddenly became alive. As if a hot live wire was pressed upon his. 

“Fuck” Connor muttered as he realized that he asked Jude to go out to a date today. 

The idea of going out on a date sent thrills throughout his body. The only problem is he had no fucking plan. “Fuck” he repeated again. 

“Language Sir. You shouldn’t be saying bad words first thing in the morning…” Jude said as he slowly opened his eyes. A smile forming in his lips.

“Last time I checked, I’m supposed to be Captain America” 

“Dork” Jude with a wicked smile now, teasing.

Connor pinched Jude’s nose in retort. The other boy tried to catch his hands, but to no avail, he was very fast at dodging Jude’s attack. What Connor did not anticipate is him losing his balance in the bed. Instead of celebrating his successful fending of Jude’s playful revenge, he instead welcomed the floor. He was already falling of the edge when he realized it, so he had no time to actually stop the momentum. 

With a dull thud he hit the floor. Connor groaned rolling in his side, reducing himself into a fetal position. From his vantage point he could see Jude’s face peeking from the edge of the bed, caution spread around his face.

“You’re not going to fool me again Steve-ens” Jude continues to just stare, not moving an inch from his position.

“Nice… pun Jude… but really…. it hurts.” Connor managed to say.

 

This alerted Jude as he scrambled off the bed and kneeled beside Connor. He rubbed Connor’s back, trying to help and alleviate whatever pain Connor’s feeling.

“It’s not working Jude..” Connor’s face still hidden on his face.

Jude could just imagine the grimace on Connor’s face that he must be have.

“I’ll get a Tylenol. I’m sure I have one somewhere here”

Jude started to stand up already and tried to search for it when he felt Connor’s hand grab his wrist, returning him to his previous position.

“It’s not going to work” 

“Then what will work? Just tell me so I can get it already” Jude’s concern only growing by the second.

“A kiss will do” 

Connor said almost in a whisper, as he looked away from Jude. He could already feel his face heating up. He lay completely still as he waited Jude’s response. 

Jude rolled his eyes as realization struck him. He sat down and crossed his knees. He leaned his back at the frame of the bed, brow furrowed out of annoyance. 

“Connor Stevens, I can’t believe I fell for the same trick twice”

Connor started to sit up, as his charade ended up. He was suppressing his laughter as he doesn’t want to push Jude further. He approached Jude and sat beside him.

“Sorry” was all he could offer.

“Make it up to me” Jude said. Throwing his head backward as he closed his eyes. 

“How?”

“Kiss me” all the annoyance was gone, replacing it with a smile forming in his face once again.

All Jude felt was Connor moving away from his side, leaning in front of him, as he felt the soft lips make contact against his.

~~

It took quite some time before they were able to do anything that morning. The kissing was becoming a thing that they can’t get enough. They would probably have continued the whole day if it wasn’t for Jude’s stomach harboring some kind of Japanese Kaiju or Mythical Beast. It groaned so loud in the middle of their kissing session, it reduced Connor to laughing with matching tears. 

“Are you literally doing the “rolling on the floor laughing” with tears?”   
Jude folded his arms and pouted his lips out of annoyance.

“Oh come on Jude….” Connor managed to say, still laughing uncontrollably in front of Jude. “It’s really funny”

Closing his eyes, with a determined face, Jude said with stern tone.

“No more kiss for you in the immediate future”

This prompted Connor to immediately stop. Hoisting himself up, crossing his legs and he sat down in front of Jude. Concern forming on his face. 

Jude started giggling. Trying to hide it from Connor, he raised his hands to hide his face behind them. His shoulders were shaking already, failing miserably at concealing his glee.

And then Connor tackled him. 

“You misfit” as he attempted to pull some wrestling moves to remove Jude’s hands on his face and tried to pin it down. 

“You should’ve seen your face Connor, it was priceless.”

“Threatening me…” Finally removing Jude’s right hand “…with no more kisses…” managing to pull the other hand free “…isn’t funny…”

But Connor was smiling widely as well. Leaning forward until only a centimeter of space was between their lips. Jude was about to close the gap when Connor pulled himself away.

Jude wasn’t able to protest as his stomach let out another growl.

“We should probably do something about that. Before you decide to eat me out of extreme hunger” 

Connor was blushing already as soon as the words left his mouth.

“No no, I didn’t mean it like that”

“Of course you did not” 

Jude winked at him as he headed to prepare food for the both of them.

~~  
After eating an unhealthy amount of eggs and bacon because it turns out Connor is a big eater. He basically raided Jude’s food stock for the rest of the week.   
Upon talking, Connor now knows that Jude will have a class from 1PM to 3PM. So they decided to just meet after it and head out for the date. They were both standing near the door, as Connor needs to return to his room for a change of clothes and a badly needed shower.

“I’m really sorry to be leaving you already” Connor said apologetically

“It’s alright, you’ve been wearing that clothes for two days already and you really need a shower” 

“You weren’t complaining when I was this close to you”

Connor took a step forward as he embraced Jude.

“Well it wasn’t that bad last night” 

Jude still burrowing his head at the crook of Connor’s neck.

“My room is 221 by the way. Just for future reference.”

Connor pulled himself to face Jude. He cupped Jude’s face with this hands and then planting a quick kiss on his forehead. 

“I will see you later”

~~

Charging his phone immediately when he arrived he rushed towards the shower. After a refreshing one, that took longer than usual because Connor compensated for having no shower yesterday, he decided to put on nice clothes. He doesn’t think he will have time for a change later as he will spend the few hours he had in preparing his date with Jude. 

The pile of rejected clothes on his bedside was growing in an alarming rate already. Connor can’t seem to decide what to wear. He was about to give up when he saw his roommate’s head peak at his bedroom door.

“You have a date man?” 

“Yeah Nick, it’s a first date so I need to impress”

Connor knew Nick since he started attending this school. They first met when they discovered that they were sharing a room. 

Flashback

Connor finally arrived at his dorm room that he will share to a guy named Nicholas Carter. He haven’t met the guy yet but he hoped that they will go along well.

He entered the room, discovering that he was the first one to arrive. Choosing a bed near the window, he put his bags at the foot of the bed and flopped down so he can have a short nap. He was in no mood to be sorting out the things he had brought from his home to this dorm.

Just as he was on the verge of falling into a deep sleep already, he heard a loud bang near him. Connor almost fell out of the bed as he immediately got up and grabbed what was nearest to him, out of reflex, to use as a weapon. In this case it was a snow globe that was probably left out by the previous inhabitants of the room. 

What he saw was probably his roommate. As he took in his appearance, he’s a tall, lanky guy with one of those trendy nerd glasses that really suits him. His hair seems to be on a permanent bed hair status. He was dressed casually with a black converse, black skinny jeans and a grey sweater to complete the look. He was carrying what seemed to be a pile of books. Was, as half of the pile was already scattered on the floor, which seemed to be the cause of the loud bang that he heard moments ago.

“Sorry man for waking you up. I was trying to be quiet in moving my stuff, but alas, I failed miserably at that.

He started to walk towards him and offered his hand, which in turn dropping all of the remaining books in his hands. Slapping himself at his forehead, he looked exhausted already.

“Fuck I’m such a klutz, I’m sorry about that”

He offered up his hand again to Connor.

“I’m Nicholas by the way, but Nick will be fine”

Connor shaking his hand in return, “Connor man”

Nick started to pick up the scattered books when Connor decided to help out. Picking up the first book, he became totally excited. Turning himself to face Nick he said in a loud voice, almost shouting “Dude you like Game of Thrones too?!”

 

“Yeah man, it’s one of my favourite. Actually all of these books are, I just can’t part with them. After thinking I just decided to bring the whole lot”

At that point, Connor knew he would get along with Nick. They ended up talking for hours about Game of Thrones and a lot of other things. Discovering that they had a lot of common interests.   
They ended up being roommates until today.  
End Flashback

“Connor, I know you now for a long time. I know the more you overthink yourself, the more you get away from the solution.”

Nick entered the room and started to rummage through the pile that built up on Connor’s bed. Reaching the bottom, he held it up and judged it before he threw it on Connor’s way. 

“See man, you already got it in the first try. Don’t complicate it further”

What Nick gave to him was his black pants with a simple black shirt and blue sweater. Looking at the mirror one last time, he decided that Nick was right, this is perfect.

“Hey man, don’t you have a class at 11?”

“What time is it?” 

“It’s quarter to 11”

“Shit”

Connor dressed up in lightning speed, thanking the gods that he already took a shower. Putting on the chosen clothes, he picked up his bag and started to run already.

“Who’s the lucky person anyway?” Nick shouted before Connor got out.

“You’ll meet him soon Nick” as Connor finally closed the door to rush towards his class.

~~

After Connor left, Jude was left alone to himself. First thing he did was clean the place up. He knows that if he doesn’t do it now, he will regret it later. Fixing his bed, he found the pajama that he lent to Connor last night. The smell of him still lingering on the discarded clothes. He folded it up and ended up placing it besides his pillows, not bothering to put in the wash.  
He then cleaned up all the dishes that they used. He really like to be organized and clean as he had a tendency to be messy and cluttered if left for too long. 

He then took a shower as he want to be early in his class. Because of last night’s events, he didn’t have the time to read the chapter they were going to discuss later.

Hot water hitting him, he started to wash himself. He traced the places where Connor’s hands touched him. He could still practically feel every sensation that he felt, long after Connor’s gone. Jude willed himself to stop thinking about it too much, as he felt that he will take longer in the shower if he didn’t.

After preparing himself up, he got his backpack and the book he needs, and started to head out towards his class. 

It was a bright a beautiful afternoon when he got out of the building. The pavement is still wet from the rain last night, as well as drops of water are still on the tree leaves but aside from that everything looked magnificent. The right amount of sunshine in contrast with the cool breeze circling around, plus the fact that autumn colours seem to be more prominent made Jude feel really good. 

Arriving at his classroom, he was not surprised that he was the first one to arrive. Sitting at his usual spot at the back of the class, he opened his bag to get the book he needs, and started reading the chapter that was assigned.

About 30 minutes after he arrived, the first wave of student finally entered the room. Nobody even acknowledged that he was there, not that Jude cared. In a matter of minutes the whole room was packed and the professor arrived. Time to endure this class.

~~

Jude was not able to concentrate at the start of the class. He was so restless at the thought of going out to a date with Connor. He kept shifting himself on his chair which earned a look at his classmate who was sitting next to him. It was not his fault the chair was that squeaky when he moved. Jude took a mental note to change the chair next time.

If he cannot move, Jude decided to just draw again to pass time. He noticed that what the prof was teaching, he’s basically repeating what the book explained already. There was really no reason to pay full attention, just give enough of his mind to follow where they are on the lesson.

He started drawing at the back of his notebook like usual, his hand mindlessly drawing curves and shapes already. That’s what he like when he’s drawing. He really doesn’t need to think, his hand seem to be doing all the work as weird as it sounds. Because technically the brain still controls the hand.   
He finished earlier than usual with this particular piece. Examining the drawing at hand, what he saw was that he drew two solitary clouds seeming to drift towards each other with the sun just behind them. It was really different that his usual ones.

Flipping the pages over, he scrutinized his previous works and finally deduced what was different. His previous pieces were heavily laden with shadows and overlapping lines which makes them a little bit dark. His theme was usually either scenes during the nighttime or a mood that depicts solitude and bareness. 

Jude didn’t even knew that he had that “style” if that’s what you call it, but definitely something changed. His drawing for today was light and airy, and simple. Nothing of the shadows and dark gradients that apparently he always do. Everything was crisp and very clean, with just the right amount of depthness in it. 

Closing his notebook and finally listening to the lecture, Jude smiled to himself.

Without consciously knowing it, Connor seems to be affecting him in more ways than he could imagine. 

~~

Connor on the other hand was able to concentrate on his class. He decided that if he will only think about the topic at hand, that he will forget the brewing anxiety that he already had inside him. It worked out really well until the bell rang, signaling the end of the class and also the doom of Connor.

Doom of Connor seems to be an exaggeration but that is what Connor felt right at that moment. As soon as reality seeped back into him, he started getting nervous already. 

He had been on dates before but he wasn’t nervous like this with them. Maybe it has something to do with Jude that he wanted this day to be perfect. The pressure that’s been arising on him is almost suffocating.

Mindlessly walking out of the room and roaming around the campus, he had less than two hours to plan something. He really didn’t know where to start since he still doesn’t know what Jude really likes. Well that is what first dates are for right? To know each other. Aside from knowing some family stories and what Jude shared last night, he had no idea. A little bit of more information will not hurt right at this moment.

He finally reached the coffee shop that he frequently visited, and decided to stop by. 

“Well if I’m going to think might as well think with coffee.” Connor said to himself as he entered the shop.

He just ordered his usual coffee with 3 creams 3 sugar on it plus a BLT sandwich and sat a free table near the back window. 

Getting out a piece of paper and pen to map out what he wanted the two of them to do. He started making bullet points of what he knows about Jude and the possible things that he likes.

“He definitely loves Marvel movies, at least 100% sure of that.” 

• Like : Marvel Movies Comics though???

Thinking back hard to the times he was glancing over Jude whenever he wasn’t aware, he seems to be always drawing whenever he’s not listening to the class.

• Drawing? Art?? Really cute face when he draws :D

“He shared a camping trip with his family multiple times, and he said he really enjoyed it.”

• Camping? Does he love nature in general?

“Matt. Does he still like him?”

This prompted Connor to stop at his tracks for a moment. He really didn’t want to ponder over the Jude and Matt situation right now. Of course, Jude will always have feelings over the boy. It was not the type of feeling that could just be erased. What he is hoping for is that Jude will like him enough. To finally be the person that will lift him up and possibly make him whole again. It was a little bit of a conceited situation but Connor really hoped to be that guy for Jude. 

Writing again on his paper, he scribbled down:

• Matt??? Connor ✔ ???

With the sensation that he must be overworking his brain cells already, Connor stopped and examined what he had. Finishing up his sandwich in record time, he went back to planning. 

After several minutes of looking and thinking, it finally clicked to him what he wanted to do. As soon he finalized the plan in his head, he looked at the time and he barely had 25 minutes before he will meet and pickup Jude from his class. 

He gathered his stuff and started to run towards one direction. This thing that needed is the hinge to his plans, without it, there will be no “perfect date” that’s going to happen today.

With additional energy and determination, Connor sprinted to the place where he knew he will get that important piece of the today’s date.

~~ 

Meanwhile on Jude’s side, he finally heard the bell and decided to pack up his things. The thought of finally going out with Connor seemed to relax him now. None of the jittery feelings he was having an hour ago. He only felt a sense of calmness all over him now. A smile forming in his face, which was becoming a thing now. He felt like he had smiled a lot more times in the past 2-3 days than the last 6 months of his life. 

Waiting for everyone to leave the room before he does, he lingered over for a while. When the last person exited the room, waiting for a few more seconds, he went out as well.

Stepping outside the room, he heard the familiar sound of his phone, saying that he had received a text. Fishing out the phone out of his pocket, he saw Connor’s name on the screen. Opening the message up, he read

Connor: meet me up in front of the building. I’ll be waiting. –Captain Steven Rogers

He giggled upon reading the last part of text. Without delaying things over he picked up his feet and started walking towards the direction, where Connor will be waiting. 

His pace steadily increasing as seconds pass by. 

~~

Well, by far this is my favourite chapter to write, just in terms of how easy the idea of what I wanted to happen came easily. Also sorry if this seems to be a breather/ filler chapter but again I really wanted some of the things that happened here to “happen” because I will need it for future chapters. :D

Again I hope that you enjoyed this one. 

At the rate I’m going, with work and other things I think I will only be able to post an update once a week, or if I’m really lucky with time 2. But don’t take my word for it. 

See you on the next chapter. Again comments are really welcome. Plus I really want to chat will all of you.


	8. A Day To Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Jude finally goes to their date.

To Love Again

Chapter 8

A Day To Remember

Author’s (?) Note : Busy week and I got stuck on reading books and working. Plus I was actually trying to get a date myself but alas, I failed miserably at that. I’m so late at posting this that every other fic that I’m reading seems to be going on a date also. Thankfully, the ideas I have didn’t coincide with theirs :D

I hope everyone will be happy with what I got. 

Onwards to the story!

~~

The sun was at its highest peak now, as students start to make their way towards to their next class while some go to take a late lunch already. One of the benches contains a group of friends and they were laughing loudly over some topic. Another group seems to be huddled together, conversing about their upcoming midterm exams. The cacophony going around the campus goes unnoticed by Connor as his mind was solely focused on one thing. 

Connor arrived at their meeting place with a mere 3 minutes to spare. He was trying to catch his breath. He was feeling a little nauseous with all the running that he did, but at least he got what he was looking for. Borrowed slash stolen temporarily are the right terms since he didn’t exactly ask permission. He didn’t have the time to text or call Thomas, but he was sure his friend wouldn’t mind. 

He found himself fidgety as he pace back and forth while waiting for Jude. His nervous energy mixing with the buzzing energy of the people around him. Fishing out his phone from his pocket, he tapped Jude’s name and texted that he was already waiting outside. Breathing out a sigh of relief, he returned it from his pocket.

This is it. He’s really going to go on a date with Jude. He still cannot believe that he’s in this position already. Just months ago, he was a nobody to Jude. He’s just one of the people on the crowd but now it’s completely different. Connor couldn’t help but smile at the notion of it. He’s somebody to Jude now and that sent really really really good feelings in his chest. He feels like his chest is going to explode with how elated he feels now. 

Leaning his back on pillar near him, he trained his eye towards the door of the building. Anticipating Jude any second now, he opened his phone once again and checked himself, adjusting his hair to his liking and to what he think will impress Jude more. 

~~

Jude found himself blinded by the sunlight as he exited the building. He was greeted out by the mélange of sounds around him and also an overexcited Connor, waving earnestly at him. It seems Connor spotted him already even before he did. 

Walking towards him, careful about his walking speed as he doesn’t want to look super excited, even though inside he really is. Reaching the bottom of the stairs he noticed what seems to be two bikes. Also, it goes unnoticed that Connor tensed up suddenly when he reached his proximity. His shoulders squared up and his body became slightly stiff. Jude can’t help but smile. 

Even though he completely understand why Connor was so nervous, inside his head, he wanted to say, “I should be the one who should nervous you dork” He was tempted to tease the other boy, but he held himself back. He didn’t want to add any salt to any injury at this point. 

Instead he smiled and put a hand on Connor’s shoulder in an attempt to ease some tension. 

“Dude, relax. Everything’s alright ok?”

Connor visibly relaxed as he offered him a wide smile in return. Next thing he knew, Connor dropped dramatically, kneeling on one knee. It immediately clicked to Jude what his date was doing.

Apparently, Connor was pretending to be either a Knight, a Prince or maybe just a stable boy if he was being humble enough. He was assisting Jude in getting to his “horse”. He really appreciated the gesture even though it was really cheesy. He find himself smiling even more. 

Going with the flow of the scenario, he also dramatically mounted the bike and pretended to adjust the imaginary saddle. 

At this point several people were already looking at them, curiously. Fortunately no judgment on their eyes, as soon they just moved on and resumed their own activities. 

Continuing the charade, Jude asked “Now where to my Knight?”

“My liege just follow me….” Connor seems to be thinking about the next phrase “… and I will show you the world?” The ending seems to be a question rather than a statement. 

“Really Connor, you just ruined the mood” Jude closed his eye, trying to pretend that he was offended.

Jude opened one of his eye to peek at Connor’s reaction. What he saw was Connor grinning widely at him. He suddenly kissed his hands and said “Let’s go my… Jude”

He could feel himself blushing. 

~~

What Connor wouldn’t admit was that he really though about choosing bikes as their main transportation for today. The part of his brain that over rationalizes kicked into gear in the last minutes of his brainstorming a while ago. He though that if Jude got into an accident with a car and was still blaming himself for it, a car might not be an ideal thing to bring for this date. It might bring some unwanted memories and feelings that he certainly didn’t want surfacing from Jude. He doesn’t want to see Jude broken down like last night.

Number 2 reason why he chose the bikes was that it will be far easier to reach the destinations he have planned on going with Jude today. All of the locations are within proximity so it makes sense to use them. Plus the fact that gas is fucking expensive now and in addition to parking fees, his college allowance cannot handle that. He will go bankrupt faster than anything else. 

It was a concern for him though that everything might’ve failed right from the start. He didn’t know if Jude knows how to ride a bike. Hell, it wasn’t until just a few years ago that he learned to ride a bike. Nobody thought him, even his parents were out of commission on this endeavor, when he was a child. They were busy in their own world of problems. He never learned until he decided to teach himself. With the money he saved up from all the variety of summer jobs he had that year, he bought a decent bike from one of his friend’s cousin. It took a lot of trial and error and a lot of bruises and cuts before he was able to balance himself and ride a mere couple of meters before falling down again. It was more brutal than when he learned to skateboard. After a full week of practice and learning, he was able to shout from joy as he rode endlessly around the neigbourhood the whole day. If his stomach didn’t call him out of hunger, he would’ve stayed more.

From the looks of it, all the concern was for naught. He started to pedal his way towards the first stop of their date, and soon enough Jude was following him at his back. He could hear him playing with the bell and fiddling with the gears of the bike. He seems to be enjoying himself already. 

The now mellow air was hitting his face as he trudged his way out of the school. A lot more students are now getting out from the other various buildings. He carefully maneuvered himself as to not hit any people. Glancing at his back from time to time to see that Jude is still following him. He flashed him a big smile before turning his face in front of the road.

As soon as he turned back, he almost hit a young petite Latina girl, with a flowing black hair, but he was able to swerve just in time to avoid her. He yelled “Sorry” without looking back. He didn’t want to repeat what happened as he noticed that there’s a lot more people, now that they’re near the gates of the school. 

Jude advanced forward so now they were riding side by side. He gave him a questioning look, seemingly confused.

“Why did you yell sorry? I was looking at the people over there trying desperately to fly a kite”

“I almost hit a girl, luckily I was fast enough to avoid her. Disaster averted”

“Unless it’s part of your date plan to hit a girl and be with her at the hospital” Jude teased. 

“You know that might not be a bad idea” reaching out and nudging Jude’s shoulder. 

“Just give me the list you made and I’ll entertain myself the best I could. You can go hit that girl up now” Jude sassed, sticking out his tongue to Connor.

But Jude still continued to follow him. They were at the gate now, which was only occupied by a bored looking guard, maybe just waiting for his shift to be over already. So much for campus security, Connor thought. They went past him, and following a predetermined route, he went to the left street and continued the way. 

Having a bike lane is really convenient. He slowed down, matching Jude’s speed, so that now they could ride side by side without the danger of hitting some pedestrian. Glancing over at his side and looking at Jude’s profile, he could see the serenity on the other boy’s face. There’s not a trace of worry that could be seen. Shifting his eyes, his gaze fell upon Jude’s lips. He wanted to kiss him so bad. A while ago, he did need to restrain himself a lot from just forgetting everything and just kissing Jude. He really controlled himself as he felt like if he started it, he wouldn’t let go of Jude anymore. Connor wonders if Jude is thinking the same things as he is.

~~

Jude could feel Connor looking at him. He could feel Connor’s intent without even the words spilling out of his mouth. Jude couldn’t blame him… as he wanted to do the same exact thing. 

~~

They’ve been pedaling for 10 minutes now when he could finally see their first stop. Slowly lowering down his speed until he was in a full stop. Not long after, Jude was at his side again. He hopped off and proceeded to place the bike on the available space at the side of the road. Not a lot of people have bikes anymore, in addition to people still being either in work or school helped them secure some spots. Jude followed as he himself placed his bike on the slot next to Connor’s. After securing it with padlocks and chains, Connor then pocketed both of the keys.

He could see Jude looking around now observing where he brought him. His eyebrows narrowed, clearly thinking of something to say. Within a few seconds he could already hear the becoming familiar teasing tone of his voice.

“Connor Stevens, I didn’t know you were in for a cliché date” Jude clearly not impressed as he looked at the bright light fixtures that says Cinema. Posters of the latest movies that have been released are everywhere, and also some that have been showing for weeks already. The Martian seems to be doing a good job as it’s been there for nearly more than a month. A steady stream of people are going inside already, buying tickets and popcorns. Some people really spends their Friday nights at the cinema rather than relaxing in their own confines at home. 

Connor just laughed. Grabbing both of Jude shoulders, he spun him around the opposite direction. Pointing the other side of the street he simply said…

“That is where were going, the cinemas will be for the other dates.”

What he pointed out was the local park with the highest density of maple trees in the area. And at this time of the year, Connor thought it will be the perfect opportunity to bring Jude here as part of their first date. 

Lowering down his hands, and interlacing it with Jude’s, he pulled him slightly, leading him towards the other side of the road. The scarcity of the cars driving made it easy, but still he looked at both side just to be safe. He certainly doesn’t want any car accidents right now. 

Reaching one of the many entrances to the park, they both followed the main pathway. There’s a couple of parents with their kids playing at the playground situated at the lower south east side of the park. Children seem to be enjoying the climbing ropes section as they tend to converge over there. Their moms at the side, keeping an eye out for them, and gossiping whatever latest celebrity news probably. 

Never letting go of Jude’s hand, they continue to trudge their way, going further at the part of the park where there’s less of the paved walkway, and more of the natural soil. Connor knows where they are going as he remembers the route he accidentally discovered from a week ago together with his friends.  
They were trying to find a nice hidden spot so they could drink all the booze they were able to buy with their limited budget. All of them ended up spending the night, singing and fooling around, it was a wonder no cops arrested them. At that point of t time, everything was already beautiful. He really hopes that the one week time passage evolved the scenery more. 

As they near the spot, he released Jude’s hand and decided to cover up his eyes. 

“Are you aiming for a surprise factor here?” Jude asks.

“Kinda. I hope there’s an impact I guess” Connor said as he carefully guided Jude. Scrunching noises can be heard as their foot stepped on all the dried up leaves that have constantly escaping the confines of the trees since autumn started. Avoiding numerous tree branches and climbing some inclines they finally arrived. If he had the time he would’ve made his way here earlier to clean the place up of all the remains of their excursions. The bottles they emptied were still lying out there. Thankfully nobody smoked within his group of friends so aside from the bottles and a couple of packet of chips, that’s the only trash in the area. Fortunately also, it was isolated further with all the leaves that fell during the duration of the week, so Jude might not notice it at all. 

Not that Connor was expecting it to be a grandest of all the ideas, but he really think he wanted to be with Jude at this exact moment, right at this exact spot. Letting his hands fall down, he waited for Jude’s eyes to adjust. He remained silent, waiting for Jude to observe his surroundings and also waited for his reaction.

They were probably at the northern parts of the park where people usually don’t go to, partially because there was no official pathway leading up the area. This part of the park is usually just being explored by people who probably doesn’t care if there’s roads on it. Besides, some of the best things that can be seen are sometimes hidden. 

They were in an area that is almost a perfect circle to begin with. The center was just filled up by dried leaves that came from the surrounding trees, which also grew in an almost perfect circle. The trees were absolutely amazing. Various shades ranging from yellow, red, and orange intermingle to show a mesmerizing autumn parade. It was like the trees have been kissed by fire itself, with some parts being more saturated than the others. The colours are more pronounced now than it was last week. The gentle swaying of the branches matching up with the constant detachment of the leaves, they arrived at the perfect moment. 

The sky itself was exposed above them. Like in a planetarium giving them the best view of that part of the sky. Various types of clouds are still mindlessly drifting from above. Some parts darker than the others, probably promising rain sometime in the future. A flock of birds travelling, deducing that they probably are migrating somewhere south to escape the upcoming winter. 

The sounds of some woodland critters can be heard from the distance, probably some squirrel or raccoon making their way from tree to tree. No other noises can be heard, and Connor was glad about it. It created the perfect ambience and mood that he wanted all along. 

He could see Jude turning his head around, absorbing everything just like what he was doing. I think he can safely say that this part he planned is a successful one. Jude’s eyes were shining brightly, the fiery red and bright orange and yellow reflecting on those glass orbs. 

A smile etched on his face. Approaching him from behind, he snaked his arms around Jude’s waist, and pulled him closer to his own body. Embracing him tightly, he rested his chin on the crook of Jude’s neck. 

Whispering in a low voice, “Do you like it?”

He could feel Jude’s arms joining his, as he said breathily “Yes”

Connor smiled as he planted a soft kiss on Jude’s neck. Pulling himself out of the embrace, he settled his bag down and started opening it. Rummaging a little bit, he found the blanket he was able to forage at the last minute again from one of his friends. He then spread it at what he estimated at the center of the area. The blanket was big enough for the both of them to be comfortable. 

Making his way again to Jude, he grabbed his arm and led him towards the area he prepared. Reaching it, he sat down and patted the area next to his side. Urging Jude to do the same thing. 

With Jude at his side, he laid down propping his arms like a makeshift pillow. Jude followed his movement but instead of lying down by himself at his side, he made his way towards Connor. He was completely surprised by it, but in a good way. Jude put his head on his chest, while he himself put his right arm around Jude’s body pulling him closer. 

“This is not the grandest, but I hope you enjoy the view.” Connor said.

Jude snuggled even further to Connor’s confine, as if desperately clinging on to him. 

“Connor just being with you right now is perfect enough. I’ve never felt so safe in a long time, in addition to the last 2 days. Thanks.”

Connor was playing with Jude’s hair. Staying at their position just listening to each other’s breathing. Connor was relaxed with Jude’s weight upon his. Closing his eyes to absorb the moment, making a mental photograph their situation.

Speaking of photographs, Connor moved his other free arm and took his phone out. Opening up his front camera, he decided to take an actual picture of the two of them. He can see that Jude had already fallen asleep on him. His eyes were closed and his breathing evenly upon him. Adjusting his arm to get an angle that he was satisfied, he took a couple of pictures of the two of them, just lying there, surrounded by all the brilliant coloured leaves. 

“Seriously Jude will be the death of me, he’s so fucking cute” Connor mentally told himself as he browsed over the pictures he took

~~

Connor must’ve fallen asleep at some point because the next thing he noticed was him waking up from his slumber and feeling the whole entire weight of Jude’s body pressed upon him. Opening his eyes he could see Jude staring at him. His hands and chin resting upon his chest with his whole body on top of him. The show of affection is making him more energized than the nap he accidentally took.

“How long was I out?” Connor asked. Rubbing his eyes to make him fully awake already. 

“I don’t know exactly but I woke up around 15 minutes ago.”

Connor checked the clock of his phone and it was 5 already.

“Are you enjoying the view of my face?”

“I like staring at your sleeping face for some reason.”

“I can say the same thing to you” showing the picture from a while ago which was now his lockscreen cover

“No fair. I should’ve taken a pic for myself too”

“As long as you don’t jack off to it” Connor teased him

“Is that a thing you usually say off at the first date Connor?” But Jude was clearly amused at the prospect.

“Nah I usually say it around the third or fourth date” 

“You naughty little boy” Jude laughed at him also.

Connor adjusted his body a little bit careful not to push Jude away. He wrapped his arms around Jude’s waist and embraced him tightly.

“I like this. I like spending my time with you.”

Jude turned his head and rested the side of his face on his chest. His ears pressed upon where his heart is. 

“Tell me something” Jude asked.

Connor rattled his brain out to come up with something. Finally he settled with a story when he was 13 years old. 

“I broke my foot when I was 13.”

“Why what happened?”

“I was learning this skateboard trick that time which was pretty advanced at my level that time. I really wanted to impress my friend that time, but stupid me at that time didn’t think how difficult it really was to pull off.”

Connor chuckled at his own stupidity.

“I was practicing it for a whole day only and then I decided to show off the next day. Everything was going smoothly at first, but it went crazy at the middle of the stunt. I was midair when I knew that I’d done the trick badly. My body wasn’t in the proper position that I should’ve been and then I landed hard at my right foot. I can still hear the loud crack that time. My friend came rushing to me and I can clearly see on his face how serious it was. It turned out I really broke my tibia as it was jutting out. It was gorefest all over as blood was everywhere. Thankfully adrenalin kicked in as I barely felt the pain.”

“Same thing happened to Matt. What a coincidence.” 

Connor was ticked off a little bit with the mention of Matt. It was supposed to be just him and Jude, but he pushed it at the back of his mind. He was just being too sensitive and he didn’t want to ruin the mood just for this. 

“Anyway, my friend called 911 immediately. They were able to fix it, but the pain I had to endure after was unbearable. Plus some rehabilitation was needed. I was young so I guess my recovery period was shorter. It even surprised the doctor.”

Connor shifted his weight slightly.

“How about you, care to share anything?

Jude remained silent as he thought about something. He lifted himself up from Connor and sat down next to him. He followed him, putting himself at Jude’s back, with Jude in between his legs. He put his arms around Jude’s waist again and rested his head at his shoulder. They were both comfortable now at their position. 

“Is it alright if I tell another family story?”

“Of course you can.” 

Connor nuzzled himself even further at Jude’s neck. Latching on the spot he’s becoming familiar with.  
Before telling his story, Jude got hold of Connor’s hand and placed it upon his. Slowly playing with his fingers. 

“It was one of those rare occasion when the whole family was at the house at a Friday night. Mind you, specially Jesus and Mariana, it was a surprise that they didn’t have any plans that night. Mom’s were super happy that they decided to do something fun all together. And behold their genius idea. They wanted to bake cookies and made it a game. They divided us into two teams with Callie, Jesus and Lena as Team A and me, Mariana and Stef as Team B. Brandon became the judge as his hands were tired from practicing all day with the piano at school.”

“Sounds like very fun” Connor playfully kissed a spot on Jude’s neck now earning him soft moan.

“Do you want me to finish the story?” Jude said with less conviction than he wanted. His voice faltering as Connor continued to nibble on his neck. 

Connor reluctantly stopped. “Go ahead”

“Team A decided to go with a Chocolate Chip cookie as they know that was Brandon’s favourite. What they didn’t know was that we, Team B, with Mariana’s knowledge, is that Brandon has been recently obsessed with the Mint Chocolate at that time. We kept it as a secret the whole entire time and of course we won. Jesus being a sore loser was not happy about it. He decided to throw flour at Mariana, but instead I got hit. Of course I retaliated, but soon enough the whole family was playing with all the leftover ingredients from the baking.”

“Awww little Jude with flour all over him. I would like to see that” 

“Shut up” slapping his arm jokingly.

“Anyway, everyone had fun that night. The disaster though at the kitchen was a nightmare to clean. Even Brandon who was not even part of the game officially had to participate in the clean up. He was complaining the whole entire time.”

“I would’ve given up anything just for me to have a memory of something like that. Didn’t even experience anything close to that living with my dad”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“No, no, it’s fine. Sorry for even telling that. Don’t want to dampen the fun mood you created” 

“I’m here Connor, I will try my best to create fun memories with you from now on.”

“Thanks, Jude”

Connor realized he was falling for him even more.

~~

Hearing Connor utter the word fun sent an idea to Jude’s head. A somewhat evil plan, but fun nonetheless. He detached himself from Connor and stood up. Brushing his pants down and slowly walking away from their blanket area, he tried to be as discreet as possible. When he was sure that Connor doesn’t suspect anything, he moved in fast. Gathering up a bunch of the leaves with one swoop, he turned around and threw it at Connor. The look on Connor’s face was priceless. Pure and utter surprise. 

What Jude didn’t account for was Connor’s arm length and throwing abilities. He moved just as fast as him. Reaching out towards the nearest pile of leaves, he was able to throw one at Jude also. 

Now Jude was running away from Connor, as he continued to pellet him with the leaves. It was supposed to be his idea now it was being thrown back at him.

He was running now at full speed, trying to escape Connor, but to no avail, he was still able to catch up to him. Soon enough he was being pulled like he was a fish caught in a fishing hook. 

“You silly goose” Connor said as he strengthen his grip against Jude not letting him escape. 

Jude seeing as he had no chance of being able to break free of Connor’s hold, he waved an imaginary white flag. 

“I give up … I give up” He’s short of breath already. He realized he needs to workout or at least jog again if he wants to keep up with Connor’s stamina. He fell out of the habit of at least having a morning jog when the schoolwork started to pile up and with midterms on the way. 

“You give up? Try to stop me then” Connor challenged as his hold over him remained tight. 

The only thing Jude could think right now to stop Connor was…

He leaned himself and pulled Connor into a kiss. 

They stood there while all the trees continued to send down those autumn leaves, the bliss of the weather completely surrounding them. 

~~

They stayed at the spot until the darkness started to creep down upon them. When it was time to go, Connor folded up the blanket and returned it to his bag. Dusting off his clothes of all the debris it collected. They made their way back. 

By the time they returned to the officially paved section of the park, there were no people to be seen. All the children and parents that they saw a while ago was long gone as the playground stood empty and desolate. The buzzing energy all gone.

Connor not missing an opportunity, laced his hand over Jude and they walked side by side, lightheartedly nudging him from time to time. 

He then led him towards the next part of the date. 

~~

They didn’t return to their bikes just yet. Instead of crossing down the road, Connor led Jude towards the same side of the road where the park is. Families and assorted group of individuals seem to populate the streets now, probably making their way towards getting dinner. 

Dinner will have to wait for the two of them unfortunately as Connor really wanted to get their second destination as it was near it’s closing time. 

Finally reaching it, Connor half ran, half dragged Jude towards it.

He can see Jude looking the place they arrived intently.

“Ta-dah!” Connor dramatically spread his arms. “Welcome to my second favourite place in the world. Now that I think about it, THIRD! Favourite place in the world!”

“Third? And a bookstore?”

“Yeah, second my bedroom and first wherever you are.”

He can literally feel Jude roll his eyes with the last part. He couldn’t help but just smile at him.

“Well, as cheesy at it sounds, thank you. But why the bookstore”

“I wanted to show a part of me to you. I always spend my time here when I have my free moments. They have everything in terms of my preferred reading materials. They got a second hand section as well as new one. Plus they carry on comics!” 

Connor’s energy was affecting Jude. Clearly Jude was becoming excited as well. 

“This is where I buy my stuff if I have extra money. Come on, I’m friends with the owner and he might let us stay a little bit after closing hours”

Connor guided him inside. Entering the door, he could hear the familiar sound of the bell attached to it. He was greeted right away by Abe, the owner. Abe is this middle-aged man who lived his entire life in the area. He wear this wide-rimmed glasses, with the frames the colour of gold. He always wear a this vintage vest everyday, and Connor swears he wears a different one everyday. If he repeated one, he never noticed. Right from a young age, he shared to Connor, that he really wanted to own a bookstore. 

“You know that we are near the closing time already, it’s Friday night.”

“I know Abe, I’m sorry. Can you do this one for me I just wanted to show Jude around.”

He made his way towards Abe and whispered in his ear.

“Plus it’s a date so please do me a favor. Please.”

Abe was not bothered by the fact that it was his first time seeing Connor date a guy. He was not one to judge as he’s one of the most open-minded people Connor knows. 

“Ok, I’ll give you 30 minutes” Smiling at him. Reaching out his hand to Jude he said “And nice to meet you Jude. I’m Abe. Enjoy yourself around. I’m sure Connor knows his way around here by now” 

Jude shook Abe’s hand before following Connor, who was rushing already towards the comic section. 

~~

Jude is really amazed by the volume of the books the store holds. It looks like a small building on the outside but it was really bigger on the inside. It was like the TARDIS from Doctor Who in a sense. Rows upon rows of bookshelf were carefully placed throughout the stores. Clearly the left wing of the store was dedicated to the second hand books while the right wing was dedicated to the comics and the brand new books. The bargain books section even contains some really good books, Jude noticed. 

Connor was browsing over at the Comic section. Jude looked over from his back to see what he was searching for. Although he fairly had a good idea what he was going for. 

“Aha!” Connor exclaimed as he pulled out a copy of Guardians of the Galaxy. It looks like an issue #1.

“Marvel rebooted everything this year so of course Guardians of the Galaxy is one of them. Good thing there’s still an issue # 1 since I had no time to get it the week it was released”

“You’re such a dork you know that eh?” Jude said but he was interested as well.

“Let me read it once you’re finished.”

“I’m buying this for you”

“No you don’t need to really.”

“How about this, I buy two, one for me and one for you.”

“Nah ok ok, just give me this one, I don’t want you to spend more money for me”

“Ok come on, let’s explore some more.”

They both made their way towards the shelves of the brand new books. Looking at some of the new releases as well, but nothing seems to be catching his and Connor’s eyes. They then decided to go to the opposite side to check some of the used books. 

Jude’s eye immediately caught something. Maybe it’s the colour of the spine that attracted him right away as it was a mixture of black and green. He then looked at the front cover and read the title… 

“Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of The Universe. Sounds very interesting.” 

He handed it to Connor so he could have an opinion of his own.

“Never heard about this book before. Looks contemporary. Might be good seeing all the awards it got.” 

Tapping the front cover, indicating all the logos of the book awards it apparently won. He was already the synopsis, muttering it under his breath.

“It says here it’s about two boys and their friendship. I’m intrigued. I think I’m going to buy it.”

Jude snatched the book immediately.

“Let me treat you also for today. I want to return the favor for today.”

“I don’t mind it then. Thank you Jude.”

Connor closed the distance between them and whispered to his ear.  
“I’ve always wanted to kiss someone here surrounded by all the books and being secretive about it. Never had the chance”

“Kiss me then” he replied

Connor waited no further as he put their lips together. 

~~

Only a couple of seconds pass, when they both heard someone fake coughing at their side. Connor knew who it was without even looking up.

“Abe, come on, don’t be such a buzzkill” 

He pouted his lips just for an added effect but it didn’t work.

“Sorry bud, your 30 minutes is up, plus I really need to wake up early tomorrow for something” Abe said, sympathy evident on his voice.

“Fine Abe. Come on Jude let’s pay already.”

Just as they were about to head towards the front, Connor heard a crash from behind. Both him and Abe spun around to see Jude stumble down the floor. Knocking several of the books from their shelves causing the aforementioned noise. 

Jude was clearly in pain, his hands up in his temple. He was flailing around the floor, howling over the extreme agony he is feeling. 

Connor immediately was at his side, cradling Jude over his lap as to protect his head as well from hitting the hard surface floor. He didn’t know what to do at that moment. He just wanted Jude to be safe. 

~~

Jude was about to follow Connor when he suddenly felt the worst pain in his head in his whole entire life. It wasn’t just ordinary pain. He could feel his head throbbing from inside out. Every part of it seems to be bursting and he felt hot all over. The area of Jude’s brain that was probably still working hoped that it wasn’t stroke that he was having right now or aneurism because he’ll be dead in minutes, way before any 911 people can arrive. 

He felt himself hit the floor as the pain continued to go through. Flashes of scenes and memories now clogged his mind. A birthday party when Callie was 15, him and Stef driving to buy some pizza, him tracing some familiar looking scars over his fingers, him spending some time on skateboard park, Matt kissing him, Lena giving him the biggest hug as he graduated high school, Connor seemingly all bloody. So many random things were running through his head, and he felt like the pain was never going to end. 

 

Notes:

Well that’s it for this chapter. Again I’m really sorry that it was this late. I was supposed to post this last Sunday but again, as I have said, I was on a kinda date myself. 

Anyway I hope you enjoyed the actual date even though it was cut abruptly by what happened to Jude :D

I will try to post the next chapter as soon as possible to make up for this being late. Try being the operative word here. 

As usual comments are really welcome.

See you on the next chapter.


	9. Colours and Nuances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens to Jude after the unexpected events?

To Love Again

Chapter 9

Colours and Nuances

 

Author’s (?) Note: So here we. Chapter 9. My favourite number. Sorry for the cliffhanger last chapter. :D I kinda got lost in this chapter. Like I was in an obstacle for the majority of the part here in terms of writing process. So sorry in advance I guess. 

Onwards to the story. 

~~

Connor tried to protect Jude from any injuries that might happen. It’s not like Jude is having a seizure but he would rather be safe than sorry. He scooted Jude over him, placing him in between his legs and laying his head on his chest. Caressing his head, in the hopes that it’s helping, even if it’s just a little bit. He could see the pained look spread among Jude’s face, without any indication of it subsiding.

A few inches away from them, Connor can see Abe looking at them, rooted at his spot. His face laced with concern and indecisiveness, he just stood there. He seems to be waiting instruction as to what he should do next. 

The air was heavy around them. Both Abe and Connor could feel the stress the hung up around them as they rack their brains up on what to do with Jude. Eternity seem to pass on, until Jude slowly relaxed on Connor’s body. Gone was the pained look on Jude’s face. But he could still see the remnants of the events. Sweat was rolling down at from side of his face. His hair was damp as well, as some portions are plastered over his forehead. 

“Are you ok?” Connor whispered to Jude’s ear. 

“I’m fine, can I have water though?” Jude was able to reply. His voice was so low, that Connor was the only one who was able to hear him due to their proximity.

“Abe can you pass me a glass of water? And maybe some painkillers if you have.” Connor requested.

Breaking out of his silence, Abe finally was able to do something as he heard Connor’s instructions. 

“Ah… yes sure” 

Abe, turned up and proceeded upstairs. When he bought this building, he decided to invest all of his money to it. He was living in an apartment that time, but decided to quit that place and make the second floor of this place his home. He dedicated the entirety of the first floor to the bookstore and the second to be his living quarters. Abe was more than happy about this situation. 

Connor checked up on Jude, who continued to cling upon him. Easing himself on his situation, he leaned himself on the nearest bookshelf, being careful as to not knock the thing down. He pulled Jude to him closer, and wrapped his arms around him.

“Are you sure you’re feeling better now?” Connor inquired. He was still worried about him.

“Yes. Although I don’t really know what happened.”

Jude’s voice was still low, and hoarse. 

“Do you want to go to the hospital? You know, just to check things up.” Connor offered.

In the midst of this, Jude was still able to playfully punch Connor in the chest. 

“Don’t be so dramatic, I’m fine, really.”

Jude lifted his face up enough to meet Connor’s eye, and smiled sheepishly. Connor smile back, starting to feel relieved. If Jude was able to smile and at least punch him (even weakly), then he has no doubt that Jude is going to be fine. 

Connor could hear Abe’s returning footsteps getting louder. As he reached their position, he handed Jude the water and 2 tablets of Tylenol for him. 

“Thanks Abe.” Jude gulped the water and took the medicine in one go. Apparently, a headache attack like that can leave you extremely parched. Or maybe just in Jude’s case.

Connor must’ve seen that Abe was still worried, as he continued to look over Jude, like he was going to have another attack the same from minutes ago.

“He’s fine now Abe, thanks for these.” Connor reassured him.

“I’m sorry Abe for being an inconvenience. I must have a terrible first impression now to you.” 

“Don’t apologize Jude. But yes, that’s really a strong first impression if I must say.” Abe chuckled. He was evidently lightening the mood up. 

“Do you need anything else?” As he got the empty glass from Jude’s hand. 

“No I’m good. But I feel terrible for making this mess.”

Jude slowly got up, attempting to get all the fallen books he knocked from his fall. But Connor held him down, clearly not trusting Jude’s 100% back yet.

“Jude let me fix, just stay there for a while.” He stood up and placed Jude comfortably, with his back on the shelves. 

Abe helped Connor out, and it only took a moment to place all the books back on their original position. 

“Abe I think we are going to buy just these two.” Showing the copy of the Guardians of the Galaxy and Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. He handed it over to Abe.

He was not surprised that Connor got Guardians of the Galaxy as he knew that it was one of his favourites, but what made him curious was the book that he was buying. Based on his reading preferences that he knew by now, Connor was more of a Fantasy Adventure reader and clearly not a Contemporary reader. He looked at Connor inquisitively, raising the book on his right hand. 

Connor who was helping Jude stand up already, caught sight of Abe.

“Ah yeah that, it just really piqued my interest. And you know, “broadening the horizons”” Connor said with matching hand movements. 

Knowing full well what the story is all about already, Abe just smiled and said, “Well, I hope you enjoy this one. You might find a lot of the things here… what do kids these days are saying…” Abe was trying to find the right word. “ahhh… relatable”

Connor chuckled at Abe using the word. He finally got Jude on his feet, but he was still a little bit unsteady. Hooking up his arms around his shoulder, Connor supported Jude’s weight upon him as they made way towards the front to pay Abe. 

Abe just checked up the price and typed it on the computer. Connor handed him the money and with enthusiasm, got his latest purchase.

He felt Jude getting heavier at his side. Glancing over him, he could see that Jude was starting to fall asleep at his side. Connor thought that whatever happened to Jude must’ve really taken a toll on him. Hooking up the plastic bag in his arm and putting his backpack in front of him, he carefully shifted his weight so he could piggyback ride Jude. Hearing no protest from the other boy, it looks like he didn’t mind. He could already feel Jude making himself comfortable, with him burrowing his head on the nook of his neck. 

 

“Thank you Abe for letting us stay late. I owe you one.” Connor said, smiling apologetically at Abe.

“You know you’re always welcome here.” 

Abe went around the counter and proceeded opening the door for both of them.

“Are you sure though you’re going to be alright?”

“Yes seeing as this little fella here fell asleep already on me, I’m going to be ok. Although now that I think about it, is it all right if I put our bikes here? We left it in front of the cinema but I can get it and go back here.”

“Just go back to your place and get Jude to bed. He really needs it. I’ll get the bikes for you.” 

Before following Connor, Abe pulled down the blinds on both the doors and the windows. Pulling out his key from his pocket, he then locked the door. 

“I’m going to be super in debt with you at this rate”

Hoisting Jude a little more, Connor started walking back towards the direction of the cinema.

The temperature seems to be bearable, but he’s still thankful that he’s wearing the right amount of clothes. The crisp air and the gentle lulling of the wind combined with how peaceful the atmosphere is, is making Connor more relaxed. 

Abe was walking at his side, looking at Connor. All this time spent with him, he already has an assumption on what’s coming next. 

“So, Jude eh?” Abe said with a hint of smile on his face.

“Here we go with the Abe interrogation.” Connor sighed, even though he knew it was coming. 

“What man, I’m just curious. You’ve never dated a boy before. Well at least as far as the duration of your stay here. When did you move in this place again?” 

“I moved back here 6 months ago. I was born here and then went to another state. My parents decided to come back here after our house burned down. Although, I don’t really remember that happening. All I know is after I woke up in a coma, with the doctor’s approval we moved back here right away. “Starting fresh” as my mom calls it.”

“I already know that Connor, you seem to be avoiding the important question here” Abe pushed on. 

“If you already knew you wouldn’t have asked when did I move here. Seriously man, you’re memory is going down” Connor teased as he looked over Abe.

“Yes yes, as if I didn’t hear the old joke about me going senile already. I’m still young Connor.” 

Abe dramatically flexes his arm muscles.

“Abe….” Connor’s tone was a little serious which made Abe stop his charades.

“I don’t know man. Jude’s different I guess. I never really bothered defining whether I’m straight or gay or bisexual, but I just really like Jude. There’s something about him that makes me want to be with him.”

“I understand that kind of feeling” Abe confirmed to him.

“It’s like I’m being pulled towards him by an invisible thread. And he’s reeling me in. I always have this good feeling when I’m with him. And I always think about him. It’s not just this week Abe, even before.”

Patting Connor’s shoulders, Abe said, “If that’s how you feel about him, go for it. Although Connor, be careful, a lot of people are very accepting nowadays, but there are still who are still very narrow in their thinking”

“I know man, I’m afraid of what my parents are going to say, especially my dad. But I’m willing to dive into it. I really like Jude”

Jude was still asleep but for some reason, he responded with those last words. He wrapped his hands a little tighter on Connor’s neck and seems to burrow himself even farther. 

“I’m sure Jude likes you as well if not more. The way he looks at you a while ago while browsing over the store says it all.”

“I’m trusting your judgment Abe.”

Connor stared straight ahead as they continued to walk towards their destination. 

~~

At Abe’s point of view, he can clearly see Connor has never been this happy before. He’s known him ever since he moved here. For the majority of that time, he has seen him in a variety of moods already. Sad, Angry, Happy, Stressed and anything in between. One time, he came to the shop specifically just to vent out his feeling about a particular class he had and how frustrating it was that he wasn’t getting anything at all. That even though it was repeated to him by both his professor and a classmate, he was still as clueless and lost. Abe couldn’t help but smile at that particular memory. At that point he just had that feeling inside him. He wouldn’t admit it to Connor, but in the short amount of time he knows him, he already treats him like his own son. 

Glancing over at his side, he could see Jude so relaxed over Connor’s back. While Connor on the other hand, whom might not be realizing it, was wearing a permanent smile at his face. Just seeing the proximity and the obvious connection that the two had, his heart felt elated. 

But there were a lot of things that concern him about Connor’s situation. The people surrounding him, he was sure that a lot of them are very accepting of this kind of relationship. 100% certainty is not a thing though, there will still be people who will bat an eye on them. What troubles him the most is his father. Just based on the few stories that Connor told about him, he looks like he’s an old school type, who might have some narrow minded tendencies. 

The cold air was sending chills on his aging body, as he rubbed both of his hands together, generating heat. Putting it on the pockets of his vest, he continued trudging the path at Connor thinking, whatever happens from now on, he will be there for Connor and for Jude. 

~~

A small group of children who might still be underage, exited the front of the cinema, seemingly high and very energetic. Boastful laughs and banter can be heard from them as some of them push each other around. 

As Connor reached the spot where they left their bikes behind, he was thankful that nobody tried to steal them away. In this age, even bikes that are properly locked and secured are not safe from thieves that are determined. He remembers a couple of times where he pass by frustrated students on the campus, only discovering that their bikes were missing. The locks and other protective measures cleanly cut by thievery tools. Others are fortunate enough to only get the tires stolen.

“Abe…the keys for the lock are in my right back pocket. And the bikes are the blue one and the black one” Connor indicated the ones on the 2nd and 3rd slot. 

Abe fished the keys out of the said pocket and proceeded on opening the locks. When he was done pulling out of their positions, he was then ready to go back.

“You’re going to pick them up tomorrow?” Abe asked as he faced Connor once again.  
“Yes, but aren’t you going somewhere in the morning?” Connor said, brows furrowed.

“Ah, I almost forgot about it. Stop by maybe around the afternoon tomorrow.” Abe exclaimed “Or better yet, text me first before you head out to make sure that I’m back”

“Aye aye sir!” Connor would’ve salute if his hands were not preoccupied with Jude. He just smiled and Abe and both of them said their goodbyes. 

Turning one last time before heading out, Abe shouted, “Take care Connor! Be safe!”

“Thanks Abe!!” Connor shouted as made his way back to their dorms.

~~

Peaking over his wristwatch, Connor discovered that it was a 20 minutes past 8 already. He had other plans after the bookstore but it would have to wait for another day. The most important thing right now was to safely go back to Jude’s room so that he could rest.

This is one of the times that he’s thankful that he’s a little bit in shape than the average person. Or else he thinks that he will not last the duration of walking with Jude at his back. Also he was not complaining, Jude being this close to him makes up for the abrupted plans for tonight. He could sense Jude’s heart beating up him as his chest is pressed at his back. His face is still nestled upon the crook of his neck, feeling each breath on that area. He’s really fast asleep.

His mind went back to the incident. He was sure that it was no ordinary headache. A migraine perhaps. He heard some people who had extreme cases of migraine relent to the pain and renders them incapacitated. Connor was hoping that that was just the case with Jude. He doesn’t want anything more serious than that. He’s just glad that it’s over now, and he hopes that it will not happen again.

Connor was rounding the corner of the road when he noticed that some of the houses are already putting up some Christmas decorations. Talk about some early Christmas spirit. One house on his right already put up some light decorations and seem to be going with a blue and white colour motif. The owner put all the lights on the outline of the roofs and the windows so far. He could tell that it will already look good even though it’s only halfway finished.

On the other hand of the street, a specific theme is more pronounced. A scene of the birth of Jesus Christ seem to be the aim of the owner. The statues of the key characters of the scene carefully placed already in their lawn. Connor thought to himself the people seem to be really into this kind of things. He himself is particularly fond of all the Christmas festivities and all the things that come along with it. Looks like this year is going to be a good one as he thinks he will be able to spend it with someone. A.k.a. the person he’s carrying now like a drunk person. Connor chuckled at that thought. What kind of person Jude is when he’s drunk? That’s a thought for sometime later, he decided. 

Some students whose houses are particularly close to the campus are passing Connor as he neared the entrance once again. He noticed that the guard from a while ago was nowhere in sight already. His shift was finished already as he saw a burly man with an abundant mustache, sitting and drinking a warm coffee. 

He made his way past him and continued down the path towards Casgrain Dorm.  
Less and less students were present as he made his way further. His stomach was already rumbling from the lack of food. His last meal was from the coffee shop from this afternoon and he really need to eat now. He could eat an entire full course meal now to be honest. 

Connor was thankful to the girl who helped him open the door for him and Jude. His arms and back were now complaining on the strain it took to carry Jude from Abe’s place to here. Finally reaching the front of Jude’s room, he realized that needs to wake up Jude since he doesn’t have the key. Without much of a choice, he softly said Jude’s name.

“Jude… Jude… uhm… a little help here.”

At the corner of his eye he could see Jude stirring up as he breaks away from his slumber.

“Where are we Connor?” Jude still refusing to open his eyes completely.

“Were in front of your room already and I don’t have your key. I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

This prompted Jude to finally wake up. Yawning first, he realized then that Connor is carrying him. “Did you carry me all the way here?”

“Ah yes, it was really hard, since you’re a fatass” Connor teased him.

“Shut up.” Jude smiled as he now lowered himself from Connor’s back. “Thanks though didn’t even realize I fell asleep already” 

“It’s no problem, although I’m quite hungry, do you think I can go grab something again at your place?” He patted his stomach just for added effect. 

“If there’s any left, remember you were a pig this morning” Jude put out a tongue as he searched for his key from his bag.

“It’s not my fault that I’m still a growing boy.” Connor pouted his lips, whining just enough to earn a little sympathy. 

Jude laughed as he finally got the key and inserted it at his door. What confused him was the door was already open. He was sure that he locked it a while ago, he even double checked it before leaving.

Turning around and facing him, Connor could see the confused look of Jude. 

“Why, what’s wrong?” 

“Uhm, the door is open, but I’m sure I locked it a while ago” Jude’s concern only growing. 

“Let me check in first.” Connor made his way past Jude and entered the room first. He saw the indeed someone was inside already as the light in Jude’s room was open.

“Hello?”

And that’s when they heared someone shout “Judicorn is that you??!”

From behind Connor, he heard Jude answered back, “Mariana?”

A girl who’s vaguely seemed familiar to Connor ran past him and tackled Jude and locked him into a tight hug. 

“Judicorn I missed you!!!”

“Mariana…. Stop…..” Jude managed to say “You’re choking me already.”

Reluctantly, Mariana pulled away from Jude.

Now Connor knows why she was familiar, she was the girl who he almost ran over this afternoon when him and Jude was making their way out of the school. It’s stupid on his part to not even recognize her at that point seeing he already saw her at Jude’s picture at his table from the night before. Maybe his mind was pre-occupied with other things at that moment. Connor blushed at the thought of last night’s events.

At that moment, Mariana turned towards him, seeing as she rushed past him and made his way straight to Jude. What Connor saw on her face was complete and utter shock, as she mouthed an unexpected name and question.

“Matt???”

 

Notes:

This chapter is a little short. Sorry. :D What did you think about it?

But in other news, there will be an update this coming Monday night. I’m 100% sure of this. I’m trying to update more often seeing as the ideas are just coming to my head. The only problem for me is just actually writing it. 

See you on Monday night everyone!! :D

As usual comments and conversations are really welcome.


	10. A Surprise Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mariana surprisingly visits Jude.

To Love Again

Chapter 10

A Surprise Visit

Author’s (?) Note: Wait what? An Update so soon? Even I am amazed. I just hope that the quality will not be down and I still deliver. That’s my only concern on having a schedule actually. I will try and If I am not feeling it, I’ll revert back to how things were.

Onwards to the story!

~~

Mariana’s wearing a face of both shock and confusion. It’s like she was seeing a ghost as she continued looking at him. Her brows are furrowed and lips were thinner as ever. Her eyes trained on Connor’s face, never leaving it. 

Connor can’t help but look at Jude for support. He didn’t know what he’s supposed to do at this situation. He could already feel his palms sweating from the nervousness he’s feeling. His weight shifting from one foot to another, seemingly undecided what his posture should be. He’s communicating with Jude through his eyes as if saying, “What’s happening?” not trusting he can say anything through words.

He noticed that Jude on the other hand, who’s still standing behind Mariana and in front of his door, is surprisingly calm. He’s not bothered by the situation as seen by his relaxed demeanor and straight posture. He’s looking at him, conveying that he got this under control.

Next thing Jude did was he grabbed Mariana hand, spun her around and pulled her towards the hallway. He could hear them muttering from outside, with their voices modulated so that their conversation will be just between them. Connor stayed at his position while waiting for them to finish. Putting his hands on his pockets, he put his back and leaned towards the wall. Raising his right feet as well towards the wall out of habit. 

Now that he’s alone he has time to ponder. Why did Mariana call him Matt? Clearly this is only the first time that she saw him, but why the confusion with Matt? Does he really look similar to Jude’s former boyfriend? Questions seem to be piling up on Connor’s mind as he assessed more. 

Also the face that she showed was like she was seeing a ghost. He knows that Matt is dead and all. He just doesn’t want to be mistaken for him? A lot of conflicting feelings settled down on Connor’s chest. Was he angry? No, that at least he could tell. Is he confused? Definitely. Maybe that glance over Matt’s picture from the night at the library was not enough to discern his face more carefully. The darkness and probably not so good resolution of the phone contributed to the picture not being at its best. Jealous? Now Connor did a double take on this one, as he questioned himself again. Is he jealous? If yes, why? What’s the reason? The more he thought about it, the more he knows that he is indeed jealous. He just can’t pinpoint the exact root of his jealousy right now. But it’s there, tugging somewhere inside him. It’s not good to dwell on these ideas, Connor reasoned out to himself. 

He was so lost on his thoughts that he didn’t hear and feel Jude and Mariana coming back from their talk. They silently entered again the room, with Jude coming in first and Mariana trailing from behind. She carefully closed the door, as if she can break it any moment with just her touch and hands. When they all heard the click of the door, she slowly turned around and faced Connor. She was still partially hiding herself behind Jude’s body when she said in a low voice, “I’m sorry Connor for mistaking you as Matt”

Jude was nudging her to come forward, clearly reminding Mariana what she should be doing by now. Marian inched her way forward until he reached him. Connor, not wanting to be disrespectful, pulled himself from leaning into the wall and approached Mariana. He stopped just inches away from Marian, as he offered up his hand. 

“I’m Connor by the way, Mariana. It’s nice to finally meet you.” 

Connor smiled at her brightly, not wanting to make the situation more awkward than it is. Mariana, taking it up as a cue, didn’t actually take Connor’s hand but instead, dived it into a full hug. Jumped in is the correct term as Mariana needed that boost to reach Connor’s height.

He can see Jude chuckle in front of him as he apologetically said, “Should’ve told you she’s a hugger” 

Connor hugged back, as he really appreciates the gesture. Mariana then replied, “It’s nice to meet you too.” She pulled herself back and slid down Connor. When her feet reached solid ground, Connor could see the Mariana is smiling now as well. Gone was the tension from a while ago. “Although Jude never mentioned you in our last family call session” She turned her head slightly towards Jude, trying to be offended but ended up just teasing Jude. 

“Ah… we just started going out this week” Jude replied, blushing as soon as he finished the sentence.

Mariana completely left Connor and approached Jude. Leaning into his ear, she said in a low voice, but not so low as Connor can’t hear it “And you’re bringing him to your room already, how scandalous Jude, specially for you” Mariana was now clearly playing with them. And Connor thought it’s working. He could feel his cheeks heat up and he can see Jude’s blush turning more dark. They both weren’t able to say anything as they just looked at each other. The memories of last night surfacing again on their mind.

With one last look at the both of them, Mariana made her way again inside Jude’s room. They could hear her going to the kitchen. 

“Come on, make yourself comfortable.” Mariana called them out. They could hear her laughing. 

Connor looked at Jude and smiled. “Might as well join your sister.” He held out his hand, reaching out for Jude.

“Yeah, you don’t want to see her become more pushy than it is.”

Jude took his hand, as he let Connor pull him towards the room.

~~

As they near the kitchen, they are greeted by the smell of cooking. Actual cooking, Connor thought as he knows his cooking skills are limited to boiling and frying. He can feel himself salivating a little bit and his stomach growling. His hunger catching up to him. From his side, he could tell that Jude is having the same reaction as him. Being in a dorm and college can really make you miss home cooking. 

They approached Mariana and looked over to what she’s cooking. She was already halfway to the making of meat sauce. She’s in the process of putting a little oil on the boiling water before putting on the pasta. Continuing on stirring the pot of, she added a pinch of salt and pepper, and finally put some more of meatballs on it. She looked over at them, amusement drawn on her face.

“You college boys are all the same. It’s like you’re seeing food for the first time in years.” She said as she got out some plates from the cupboard. She laid it out on the counter, and then went back on stirring the sauce. The water on the pasta is overflowing, so she turned down the heat a little. 

“You should sit…” she scanned the room as she noticed there’s nothing remotely close to a dining table set up. “… wherever you sit to eat. I’ll be finished in 10 minutes”

“Ok, thanks really Mariana, we’re both starving” Jude replied giving her a quick peck on her cheeks. 

Connor placed his bag and his newly purchased book and comic at Jude’s desk. He then sat down at the floor next to Jude’s bed and made himself comfortable. Jude followed him as he placed himself next to him, intertwining his hand with him. 

With a low voice, Jude said, “Sorry about earlier”

“Nah, it’s no big deal” Connor hated himself already as soon as the words left his mouth. His face turned away, avoiding Jude’s gaze. 

Jude must’ve sensed something was off as pursued asking.

“Are you sure?” Placing his hands on Connor’s cheeks, lifting up to meet his own eyes. 

“Uhm, I guess it’s just weird to be mistaken as someone, and that someone used to be your former boyfriend.” He tried to hide away his thoughts by smiling. Although he could feel his smile is weak. Jude seem to let it go as he placed a quick kiss on his forehead. 

Connor could feel his heart stammer. He doesn’t want to hide things from Jude, especially at the start of this relationship. But he seem to cannot say his feelings of jealousy. The hesitation seems to stemming up from the fact that he still can’t put his finger as to why he’s feeling this way. When gets to the root of this, that’s when he will tell Jude. 

Jude scooted himself closer to him as he felt his head rest on his shoulders. Basking in the presence of him, he’s thankful to these kind of moments. He tilted his head as leaned it towards Jude’s as well. Their joined hands, playing with each other absentmindedly. 

~~

On her periphery, Mariana can see the interaction between Jude and Connor. The initial shock of seeing Connor a while ago is still there as she continued cooking. Seriously, is she going blind, or Jude might have something. Connor really looks like Matt, in every angle and position of his face. Is she seeing his doppelganger? She read a theory somewhere that says one person can have a look-alike or have the same face in this world. But isn’t that just a superstition or supernatural thing. She really needs to lay low on watching Supernatural. 

What baffles her is that Jude insisted that Connor is Connor and that he is completely different from Matt. That they don’t resemble each other and that there is no connection between them. 

Well if that’s what Jude says, she’s just going to leave it that way. 

Getting a spoon, she tasted the sauce if it’s tastefully right. Approving of her work, he went and poured the water on the strainer to prepare the pasta. Placing a moderate amount on her plate and a generous amount on the boy’s plate, he poured on the sauce and grated some cheese on top. She was really glad that she decided to buy and bring food here before going because much to her horror, Jude’s pantry and fridge are empty of any decent food. 

Turning off the stoves, she placed all the dirty utensils and pots on the sink, making sure of running the water on it so it will not dry off. Making it easy to wash later. 

Getting the plates of Jude and Connor first, she headed to their way. She saw them playing with each other’s hands, and she stopped on her tracks. The familiarity of the scene is making her heart melt. It’s the first time in months that she’s seeing her baby brother happy once again. 

~~

Mariana was suddenly in front of them, handing out their plates. Steam wafting from it, the smell hitting his nose as soon as he inhaled it. Connor was feeling his stomach calling already, as it felt the sensation of the proximity of the food.   
Without wanting to, he broke his hold of Jude’s hand as he got the fork from Mariana, who’s already back with her own plate. 

She sat down in front of them, crossing her legs and putting down the plate on the floor. She looked over and said, “Bon appetite” as she herself dove in and took her first bite.

Connor did the same and as soon as the food touched his mouth, he can say that Mariana is a good cook. 

“This is really good.” Connor said in between mouthfuls, as Jude muttered in agreement. 

“Well, living in a household of 7 people, kind of forces you to learn to cook.” Mariana explained, as she herself is in her third bite already. “Plus helping mom’s when they’re not around, and having 3 brothers, yeah, the situation of learning to cook is a little bit forced upon.” She said as she kicked Jude playfully. 

“Hey it’s not my fault that most of the time I keep on burning everything besides pancakes” Jude retorted. Connor chuckled at the thought of Jude trying so hard not to burn the food they ate this morning. 

“At least you’re helping, unlike Brandon and Jesus who only eats” She offered, as she mixed more of her sauce into the pasta at his plate. 

Jude laughed. “That I can agree on” Pointing his fork to Mariana, completely concurring to the fact. 

Connor was enjoying the banter and interaction between the two. He can discern that the two are really close to each other and no doubt, the same can be said to the other family members he has yet to meet. 

It suddenly clicked to him as to why he was jealous a while ago. He was jealous of Matt indeed. He was jealous at the thought of him fully integrated with Jude’s life. He felt that when Mariana thought he was Matt, when he was not him. He’s jealous because Matt was probably close to every member of Jude’s family, and Mariana is a proof of it. His mind went to the scene a while ago. Mariana’s face was shock and confused, but there was a glimmer of happiness because she thought for a moment that Matt is alive. That Matt can miraculously go back to their lives, and make Jude, and by extension the entire family happy. He’s jealous because he wants to be the person the makes Jude happy again, not Matt. 

Looking at an outsider’s point of view, it looks pathetic. Connor knows it himself. Its looks like he’s stretching this thing out of proportion but he can’t help himself. The gentle tugging inside him is now fully blown as the sensation grows stronger. He felt isolated right now. He feels like an extra on the current scene. Gone was the confidence he felt that he could actually make Jude happy once again. 

Just before the sadness crept in, Jude who apparently finished his large helping of Mariana’s spaghetti, leant back towards Connor’s shoulder as he continued to catch up with Mariana. The words exchanged between them seem to be buzzing sounds to him right now. Jude looked at him, smile growing bigger. He gave him a quick peck on his cheeks, which broke him up from his thoughts. 

“Awww, look at you two lovebirds.” Mariana teased as she put aside her now empty plate. Noticing that Connor’s only halfway through his plate, she was immediately concerned.

“Is it not good?” Mariana inquired.

“Oh no no, I like it, it’s really good. I was just lost at some thoughts for a moment.” Connor said in defense. 

“Well I was just saying to Jude, that I’m glad he’s enjoying studying here so far. Now that you’re here” She leant forward, bracing himself with her right arm, as he ruffled his hair with the other. 

He felt Jude put his arms around his waist as he made his way on his back. He found himself placed in between Jude’s leg, arms tightly embracing him. 

“He’s trying to distance himself from me because he knows I was coming up for him” Mariana said, smiling evilly at Jude.

Jude partially hid his face by using Connor as a shield. “She has a thing with messing up my hair, which leads to her tickling me until I can’t take it no more.”

“Seriously?” Connor asked, as he both looked at Jude and Mariana.

Mariana just laughed at them.

Connor went back to eating, as he still feels himself hungry. 

“So Connor, tell me something about yourself?” Mariana going back to her original position. 

“Hmmmm..” he muttered, mouth still full of food.

“Let him finish first Mariana” Jude said from behind him.

Throwing up her hands in defense Mariana said “Ok, how about you Jude what’s the latest? How’s school?”

Feeling it was safe to expose himself once again, Jude moved his head, his chin resting now on Connor’s shoulder. 

“It’s getting harder I guess. We have midterms already next week and I’m only halfway through my studying.” Jude sighed.

Connor almost choked at his last bite of the food. He started coughing violently, as Mariana stood up first, beating Jude, as she got water and offered it up to Connor. When he was sure that no food was lodged on his windpipe, Connor let out a sigh of relief.

“What was that?” Jude asked, clearly worried.

“You said you’re halfway on reviewing already, I didn’t even start yet.” Connor said.

At that point, Jude and Mariana laughed simultaneously. Tears already forming at the corner of their eyes. Connor can’t help but feel embarrassed at himself. 

“Awww Connor, don’t worry about it, you’re normal.” Mariana said, still having some small laughs.

“It’s just Mariana’s study habits rubbed off on me. You have nothing to be ashamed off Connor” Jude added, recovered already from his laughter fit. 

“Yeah, I remember Jesus, studying only the day before a final.” Mariana shared, stretching out her legs in front of her and removing her shoes. “The mysterious part is he totally passed that exam.”

“Oh yeah I remember that, and he completely flunked out the exam he totally prepared for in advance” Jude shared, laughing again at that thought.

“Mama was so angry at him because he needed to take remedials for it.” Mariana said, shaking her head at disbelief.

Finally finishing his plate, Connor got the two other plates and offered to take it up on the sink. Removing himself away from Jude, he said “I’ll leave you two for a moment, I’ll wash the dishes. It’s the least I can do for crashing your reunion”

“Don’t be such an outsider” Mariana said. 

That simple sentence made Connor’s doubts ebb away even for just a little bit.

~~

Shifting her position, Mariana sat besides Jude. Looking over to see if Connor already started washing the dishes. She heard the sound of water, as Connor started the task. Turning to look at her brother she said, “You really like him eh?”

Nodding his head and not looking at Mariana, Jude simply said, “Yeah”

“Haven’t seen you this happy in a long time. I was worried, I was not going to see your smile anymore” 

Mariana pulled him into a hug. He burrowed himself on her embrace, relishing the fact that he didn’t see Mariana in months. He missed his sister so much. 

“I really like him Mariana. There’s something about him. I feel my heart getting lighter when I’m with him. The darkness that I thought was never going away is slowly vanishing.” Jude said, his voice was laced with sadness and happiness at the same time. A tear sliding in his eyes.

Mariana just pulled him closer, “You’re indeed in creative writing Jude, you’re choice of words are even deep for my intellect.” Mariana chuckled. “But in all seriousness Jude, I’m really happy for you.”

“Me too Mariana, I’m so happy that Connor found me.”

~~

Connor didn’t want to eavesdrop but he couldn’t help himself. He turned the faucet slowly just enough to reduce the noise of the rushing water, when heard Mariana said to Jude that she was happy for Jude. And then he heard Jude saying ““Me too Mariana, I’m so happy that Connor found me.”

He was smiling even before knowing he was doing it. Not wanting to eavesdrop anymore, he turned the water in full blast, the rushing water drowning the hushed voices of the two. 

Now he just feels pathetic for a whole other reason. He feels pathetic for doubting his relationship with Jude. He didn’t even need to be jealous at the first place. The most important thing is now. Jude likes him, and he likes him back. It came from Jude already that he’s happy that he’s with him. 

There’s no use wallowing on unimportant things and feelings of jealousy. What he needs to focus now is continuing this trajectory with Jude. And hopefully, he can reach the point where he can make Jude permanently happy, meet the rest of the family and be considered part of it in the future. More importantly, be part of Jude’s life. 

All doubts cast aside, Connor breathed out a sigh of relief as he continued cleaning up the dishes. 

Notes:

Well we finally reached Chapter 10. Wow. Time flies by, it feels like I was just writing chapter 3 last week. 

I hope you enjoy this update.

In terms of schedule, I think I will update every Saturday and Monday. As I always find myself writing from Tuesday – Friday. Let’s see if it will work. 

I like how there were so many comments and reaction on what happened last chapter. Specially the deductions and hypothesis presented. Let’s see in the future :D

Thanks for all the nice words I really appreciate it. 

This is a chill chapter, but as usual comments are welcome!!

See you on Saturday. :D


	11. Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor, Jude and Mariana spend some fun time together.

To Love Again 

Chapter 11

Invitation

Author’s (?) How’s everyone doing? We reached 11 now, I’ve never written something so long for a long time. The last time was my thesis. But at least this time I’m enjoying this way more that that thesis. 

Onwards to the story!

When Connor finished rinsing the last plate, he then placed it on the rack to let it dry together with the rest of washed dishes. Drying of his hands with a towel, he tossed it back on the counter and made his way back to where Jude and Mariana is. 

He now saw them sitting separately with Jude totally relaxed and lying over his own bed. One pillow supporting him in a reclining position while he hugs another. Connor’s wishing he was that pillow right now. Mariana on the other hand is propped on the opposite bed, sitting comfortably at middle of it. Now that he thinks about it, why is it Jude’s alone on his room. He’s sure there’s a lot of student who would like to have lodging inside the school rather than outside it. 

He saw Jude pat the empty space on his side, inviting him to sit beside him. Connor happily obliged as he removed his shoes and went to the spot awaiting him. Immediately after sitting, he placed his arms around Jude’s shoulder, nudging him to come closer to him. Jude with no hesitation immediately rests his head on Connor chest. The warmth he feels is not just physical, it went to his heart as well.

Going back to the topic he had in mind, he voiced out, “How come you don’t have a room mate?”

“I was just going to ask Jude that as well.” Mariana said, her interest is piqued as slightly moved her way closer at the edge of the best. 

“That’s an interesting story in itself” Jude confirmed. 

Both Connor and Mariana remained silent as they waited Jude to follow up what he started. 

With a sigh Jude adjusted his position over Connor and started, “Well I had a roommate until 3 weeks ago. His name was Dylan and he was nice to an extent I guess.”

“Nice… I feel like there’s “but” coming” Mariana asked. One of her brows raised. 

“He was a little bit weird I guess, we never really talked that much until it was necessary. But he shares his food to me from time to time” Jude explained, smiling over the last part.

“Should’ve known you’re saying he’s kind because of food” teased Mariana. 

“I bet it was the pancakes that made him say he’s nice” Connor added, remembering Mariana’s story awhile ago. 

Mariana totally laughed at Connor’s banter. “Give me a high five Connor. That was a good one” She stood up, reaching Connor as they both clap each other’s hand. The sound echoing through room. 

“Are you seriously both ganging up on me right now?” Irritation clearly on his voice. Jude’s mouth was pouting, which Connor thinks looks very cute. 

“Ahh Jude, you know were just messing up with you.” Hugging him tightly and placing a quick kiss on his head.

“As I was saying, he was a bit weird in a sense that he seems to be spend most of his time here in the day, and goes out majority of the night.” Jude paused for a bit. “I remember he always goes back around 2 or 3 AM.”

“Well maybe he goes to parties? Or has a secret lover?” Mariana guessed.

Jude’s has his thinking face on, before he responded “I don’t think so. If you can see him he’s not really the party type goer and definitely not someone who wants a relationship. That guy will marry his books of he can” 

“So what really happened?” Connor’s felt impatience brewing on him as he wanted to know the story already. 

“Well one day, he suddenly got up after receiving a call and started collecting all of his things. He got minimal things to begin with so in no time he got all of his possessions in one suitcase and stormed off without an explanation.” Jude halted for a moment and then continued. “Turns out, against his will, he was sent to this super important training camp on Germany. His nightly escapades were with a professor who was conducting an important research in this school, and he got sent as a proxy over there. Last news I got was from my RA saying he’ll be back, with no exact date.”

“You’re saying you had a genius room mate? He could’ve tutored me on some subjects.” Connor exclaimed. 

“That’s what you got from all of it?” Jude said in disbelief

“What? It’s really practical once you think about it.” Connor said in defense. 

Mariana chimed in. “He has a point though Jude.” She chuckled.

“Well maybe I should leave you two, since your both buddy and chummy now.” Jude broke away suddenly from him, attempted to get up but Connor was not having it. He pulled him down and started to wrestle him. He could see Jude smiling as he knew all along that Jude’s only feigning his annoyance. To add more to the fun, Mariana decided to join them. He could feel her weight added to the bed. She tried pinning Jude’s hand but he was fast enough for her. He shared a look with Mariana and he knew already what they should do. Looking at Jude one last time, an evil gleam in his eyes and a devilish smirk, he held down his wrist. He was fast enough to hold it, and with no further ado, Mariana attacked Jude’s side with her fingers and started tickling him. The combined effort of Connor and Mariana left Jude with no escape. 

Jude was squirming under him, his legs flailing as he attempted to throw off Connor. But Connor was too heavy for Jude’s effort, his endeavor going to waste. Mariana’s relentless on her part, making Jude weaker. Connor could already feel his exertion growing weaker. 

“Seriously…” Pause. “…you two…” Breathes. “…stop…already” Jude laughs at the end. He knows his pleas will fall on deaf ears. Connor was laughing so hard now as well as Mariana. They were both breathing hard already. Sweat was forming on their forehead, as well as their backs. They would’ve continued if it wasn’t for a sudden loud bang at the wall beside them. 

“People are actually trying to sleep here. Keep your threesome on the down low will you.” A muffled voice from the room beside them said.

Jude, Connor and Mariana just looked at each other for a moment and in silence. All of them not moving from their spot. A bead of sweat trickled down from Connor’s forehead down to his cheeks and then to his neck. The endeavor leaving him quite breathless. 

Mariana was the one who faltered first, as she smiled at both and them, and soon enough they were all laughing so hard once again. 

In between the laughs Mariana said, “He said threesome…” as another wave of cackle came from all them. Connor could feel already his side bursting, as he rolled out from the top of Jude and laid down beside him. Jude was already holding his sides as he also laughed endlessly. It was only after several minutes when their fun subsided before they were able to catch up their breath.

When Jude felt that he could utter words again, he asked Mariana, “So Mariana what brought you here?” He turned to his side to face her. “You flew here in the middle of semester for?”

Mariana responded “I’m here to speak for several classes on a paper I did. Plus it will be Thanksgiving in 2 weeks so here I am, very early for it. Moms will kill me if I miss Thanksgiving anyway.”

Jude sat up suddenly, pushing himself up with his arms. He then look at Connor, mildly horrified. Connor gave Jude a questioning look, eye brows and head tilted on the side. 

“Why what’s wrong?” Connor asked Jude. Confused on how Jude is reacting. That’s when Connor glanced over at Mariana, who was wearing already a mischievous look on her face. On her hand she was already holding her phone, on the screen it says “Calling” with “Mom” as the name, and it was on speaker. 

Connor can hear the rhythmic dial tone as it’s blasted on the phone’s speaker. Jude’s face was in a panic already, a sheen of sweat glimmering on his forehead. In an attempt to steal the phone from Mariana, he swiped his hand towards it, but was greeted by air. Mariana was on her feet already, dodging Jude as he circled the room, putting the phone high up in the air. 

“You know I’m way much taller than you” Jude said, glaring at her. 

Mariana’s smile just grew. “I know, but I have dancer legs. Much faster than your lanky legs” 

That at least was 100% true as Connor saw Jude’s pursuit of Mariana funny. His feeble attempts of running on Mariana falls really short. While Jude is trying to take advantage of his height, Mariana is as swift as a fox, her legs dancing, swerving in order to avoid Jude. In a matter of seconds, it was too late for Jude as all three heard a “Hello” coming from the phone. 

“Mom!” Mariana shrieked in reply, clearly too excited. “I’m here at Jude’s place already”

From the other end of the line, Connor could hear a sigh of relief. “Mama and I were wondering where you were already. You said you’ll stop by here this afternoon”

“But Mom, I really wanted to see Judicorn” Mariana said in a plea.

Connor noticed it a while ago but completely forgot to comment on it. Looking at Jude he mouthed, “Judicorn?”

“Don’t even ask about it.” 

A menacing glare was thrown back at him. 

“Awww don’t be like that … Judicorn” Connor smirked. Teasing Jude is becoming one of his favourite things to do.

“Connor…” Jude just said pleadingly. 

“Is Jude there?” the voice from the phone asked.

“Yes Mom, you’re on speaker say hi.” Mariana confirmed.

“Hey Jude, how’s school going? Everything good?” Mariana joined them once again in the bed. Laying the phone in between her and Jude. 

“It’s ok. Fun I guess” Jude said. Scratching his head in the process. Connor can see he’s really nervous. But for what reason?

“Oh yeah Mom, I’m really sure Jude is having a lot of fun, specially now.” Mariana was teasing him once again.

That’s when he realized why Jude was nervous. Somewhere along this conversation, his parents are going to know about him. Now he feel he’s nervous too. He discerns that’s inevitable to meet his family somewhere along the line, if things are going well, but he is really caught off guard right now. He didn’t know that he’ll talk to them soon already. He could feel his palms sweating, and his heart rate going up. 

“And why is that? I could feel there’s something we don’t know based your tone Mariana” Stef inquired, his voice really interested. 

Jude, that time, felt the he really has no escape over the matter. He planned to introduce Connor to the whole family soon, either on Thanksgiving or the Christmas Season. But from the looks of how things are going, it’s going to be the first one. Gathering up the courage, he finally spoke.

“Ah Mom, is Mama there?” 

“Wait a minute hon” and they could hear Stef shouting “Lena!! Mariana and Jude’s on the phone.” 

They waited for a few seconds before they heard Lena’s voice. “Hey Mariana, Hey Bubba what’s up?”

“Jude has something to tell you.” Mariana blurted out. Her excitement, leaking over.

Jude mildly irritated as Connor noticed, who hissed at her. She mouthed sorry in return. 

“Uhm,…” Jude was at a loss for words, either he’s being careful of what he will say or his mind just went blank. To offer encouragement, he held his hand, squeezing it slightly. 

“I met this amazing guy…” Connor could feel he immediately blushed when Jude said amazing. “… I was wondering if I could bring him on Thanksgiving… you know to introduce him and …” Jude trailed off at the end.

“That will be no problem bubba.” Jude can tell that both of them at the other line are grinning and smiling like idiots. Mariana, for the first time was staying still, although looking at Jude intently, smiling as well.

Stef, the interrogator coming out as usual asked, “What’s his name? Is he there right now?” Connor immediately sat straight up, feeling conscious all of a sudden. He somewhat felt the authoritative edge on Stef’s voice. Jude forgot to mention her job to him so he leaned over to Mariana and whispered “Is your mom a cop?” 

Mariana turned her head to face him, only to not whisper and say out loud, “Mom, someone’s asking if you’re a cop?”

Connor felt his face burn up even more. Out of reflex, he immediately covered his face with his hands out of embarrassment, only to realize that Stef wasn’t there and not actually seeing him. He slowly removed his hands, lowering them down. He felt himself leaning towards Jude as if asking for support. What he saw was Jude glaring at Mariana who in return, just puts out her tongue.

“Mom, Mama, his name is Connor and yes he’s here right now with me and Mari.” Jude nudged him at his side with his elbow, urging him to say something.

“uhm, hello Mrs’ Adams Foster. I’m Connor.” Connor could feel his hear pound heavily against his chest. He’s becoming more nervous as the seconds pass by. He didn’t know why though. All he’s doing now is talking to Jude’s moms, who will meet him in 2 weeks time. He’s not helping himself at all to relax.

Jude must’ve sensed that he was tensed up and nervous, he held his hand tightly and smiling, offering up comfort to him. Connor can feel his nervous energy slowly ebbing away. 

“So Connor, are you coming for Thanksgiving, we would really like to meet you.” Lena asked him. Her voice so warm, and soothing he felt like he’s being welcomed already to the family. 

“Oh and Connor, yes I’m a cop.” Stef added, chuckling clearly amused by the question.

“If it’s Ok, I would love to go.” Connor immediately said, he felt like he’s looking forward to it already. 

“Just prepare yourself for the others, Mariana is tamed compared to them” Stef said, a warning on her voice can be heard.  
“That’s right Connor” Mariana said, agreeing to it completely.

“Mom, I beg to differ, Mariana is a handful already. Remember when she came home drunk, and she was trying so hard to look sober in front of you.”

Connor can see what Jude is doing. He’s trying to do a little revenge on Mariana. A payback probably on what she did a while ago. Mariana’s face fell when Jude mentioned the story. She was not amused on what Jude picked out to share. 

Although her voice was pleading when she whispered “Jude…”

But Jude, who was now wearing an evil gleam in his eyes this time just continued, “And what did he do Mom?”

Lena was laughing already. She was not there personally to see since she was out of city that time meeting other school heads, but Stef gladly shared it to her when she got home. 

Stef provided the details and said, “She performed sobriety tests in front of me to prove it. I just let her do it, miserably I must say” 

Jude looked at Connor, staring at his eyes for added effect. “And then, at the end, she vomited all over the floor, some even splashed on Mom’s slippers. Talk about projectile vomit and hydro pump.” Jude side glanced at Mariana, who’s face is so red now out of the beating she’s having right now. For the first time, Mariana cant seem to retaliate. Must be a story that’s often told at family gatherings.

“Mom still grounded her after that, but she was so amused by what happened, she wasn’t even angry. Even Mama” Jude added.

“We just never let her forget it.” Lena chimed in.

Connor was silently laughing at Jude’s side. The story was hilarious but he didn’t want to add salt to the big gaping wound at Mariana right now. Mariana just accepted her defeat, shoulders slumped, and mouth pouted. 

“It’s not fair, I can’t seem to recall Jude doing anything that is even remotely close to my embarrassing vault of stories.” Mariana whined loudly.

“What can I say, I’m such a good boy.” Jude said with such smugness, Connor giggled at him.

“I don’t believe it” Connor teased.

“Don’t believe him Connor, Jude was a trouble boy as well just like his siblings, it’s just his stories are vanilla compared to the rest” Lena told him.

“Now you definitely need to come if you want to hear all of it. I have a particular one that is quite interesting that you can use to your advantage on Jude” Stef offered to Connor.

“MOM!!!” Jude shouted. From the looks of it, he already knows what Stef is referring too. 

The amount of banter that they’re having is so fun to witness, as Connor just listened and observed at what is unfolding in front of him. And to think that this just happening with a phone call, what more during the actual gathering of Adams-Foster clan. He could only imagine the boastful laughter and all the fun he will have in a couple of weeks. He was officially now excited. He could tell that Jude and Mariana are excited as well despite their back and forth teasing right now.

Mariana’s phone flashed that it only had 10% battery and that it needed to recharge now. This prompted her to reluctantly cut the conversation short.

“Moms, sorry to cut the call but I’m low on battery and I need to go back to my hotel.” Mariana said as she got the phone in her hands now.

“Ok Mariana, take care then. Jude definitely bring Connor ok? Connor it was so nice to talk to you. See you soon” Lena said.

“Love you Jude, Mariana” Stef added

“Love you bubba, Mariana” Lena shouted.

“Love you moms. See you soon” Jude and Mariana said in unison.

“Byeeeeeee”

And then Mariana cut of the call, pressing the red button on her phone.

“I guess I need to go now. It’s kind off late already” Mariana said as she stood up, preparing herself. Picking and wearing her shoes. 

“Don’t you want to stay for the night? I have an extra bed.” Jude offered.

“As much as I want too, I’m so done with dorm beds for now.” Mariana was looking at the front camera, fixing stray hairs and tidying herself up.

“Besides, this trip is partially paid by the university as part of the talk I’m having, that includes transportation and hotel accommodation” Mariana explained.

“That’s cool.” Connor said.

“Yes, and also, I don’t want to interrupt your time with Jude” Mariana was now putting on her sweater, now fully ready to go.

Connor blushed once again. Mariana approached him and hugged him completely. She was standing tiptoe just to reach his height. He lowered himself down and hugged her in return. “It was nice meeting you Connor. See you again soon” Mariana kissed him in the cheeks. 

Then she turned to Jude. “And you my little brother as well.” She hugged him also, placing her mouth near Jude’s ear. “Really sorry about a while ago. I’ll talk to everybody before thanksgiving.” Jude hugged her back, slightly swaying her from side to side. When he let go of Mariana, he simply just said “Thanks”

“Let us walk you Mariana” Connor offered as they were standing now outside Jude’s door. 

“No, it’s ok I’ll just call taxi” 

“Then we’ll walk with you until the entrance and see you off.”

“Ok then.” Mariana grabbed both Connor and Jude’s hand, hooking up her own hand to them. Now looking like she has two escorts. The taxi arrived shortly after the call as it was just nearby the area. Saying their goodbyes and last hugs, they waved at Mariana as the taxi sped away.

Connor completely satisfied on how things went today, with the exception of Jude’s incident, he felt relieved. His chest felt light and he can tell that he’s really happy, even just here, standing beside Jude. Noticing the empty space on the other boy’s hand, he approached it and connected his own hands to it. Then he lifted his gaze up, meeting Jude’s, and smiled. Jude gave him the sweetest smile in return.

The stars must be shining brightly and aligned properly or else there’s no other explanation on why Connor felt like he’s blissfully happy now. 

Notes:

Only one week and changing the schedules already. Haha Saturday will be constant upload date, and I’m thinking the other one will be moved to Wednesday.

I got a promotion at work so a little bit hectic on my side again. Sorry if this was too short.

My favourite word this chapter seems to be banter. haha

Thanks to all those who always leave a comment and converse with me always in the section down below. You know who you are. I highly appreciate it. :D

See you on the next chapter. As always, comments are welcome down below.


	12. Scars and Healing

To Love Again 

Chapter 12

Scars and Healing

Author's (?) Note: 

I thought I will not be able post this chapter at the right time. Phew here we are again. :D I'm amazed on how I'm hitting this schedule. I think?  
I'm listening to Oasis' Champagne Supernova and Wonderwall as I'm writing this. Just to share.

Anyway Onwards to the story!

~~

 

Connor never let go of Jude’s hand until they were back in his room. Upon entering, Connor couldn’t resist himself, as soon as he let go of Jude’s hand, he turned around, faced him, and connected their lips without saying a word. At first Jude was surprised at the sudden movement but after a few moments, he could feel him relax and respond fervently. It’s as if all the pent-up energy that they’ve been holding back since Mariana was there, is released. 

Jude noticed the subtle hints that Connor was sending him a while ago. From the brushing of his hands on various parts of his body, to the hint of jealousy on Connor’s eyes when he was hugging the pillow too tightly (it was the cutest thing Jude thought). He knows himself that he held himself back from being too affectionate when they were in front of his sister. The reason why is not that he was ashamed to show it to her, or that he was embarrassed. The real one is that he felt like if he started, he won’t be able to hold back. So he settled down with just enough gestures to satisfy himself and Connor just a little.

 

Connor was holding Jude closer than ever. His lips in perfect alignment with Jude’s. He can feel his body heating up quickly, being this close to Jude is not helping either. His breathing becoming ragged from the lack of air. Even though he feels that way, he can’t break away from Jude. His hands roaming around Jude’s back, yearning for more skin contact. He slightly lifts Jude’s shirt so that he can place his hands inside. The moment his hands touched Jude’s bare skin, he felt a jolt of electricity run towards him. Jude must’ve felt the same way as felt his body was startled a little bit. 

Connor gravitated himself closer to the other boy, closing any gap that is remaining to them. His head felt very light already, as he reluctantly broke away from Jude’s lips. His eyes fall upon Jude’s face. The sight of him, looking very flushed, lips swollen already from all the kissing. His hands, still inside Jude’s shirt, stopped moving. He could feel the rapid expansion and compression of Jude’s chest, as he tries to compensate for the lack of oxygen he had. Slowly, he slid out both of his arms away from Jude’s body. He was missing the skin contact already but he wanted his hands to be somewhere else. He then cupped both Jude’s cheek, slowly caressing the area just beneath his eyes. As he stared at those glass orbs, what he didn’t expect was the yearning and begging running across it. All his inhibitions, fading away, he slowly stepped forward, guiding Jude.

As soon as Jude’s back hit the wall, it’s as if all his wild senses took over. He once again connected their lips and started kissing. This time it’s different than any they’ve shared so far. The sense of urgency, and just a tinge of lust. It’s as if he’s treating Jude as his lifeline and doesn’t want to let go. Searching for Jude’s hand, he connected his, and interlaced his fingers. Raising both of their arms, just above their heads, pinning Jude against the wall. He could feel himself slotting his hips against Jude, as he moved it, relishing the feeling of friction in between them. He can hear Jude’s moan as he grind himself just at the perfect position. Gaining access to Jude’s mouth he slid his tongue inside, as he explored it. Soon enough, Jude is responding with his own. The dance of their tongues sending new waves of pleasure all over him. 

He can feel himself fully hard and a little frustrated over the constricting clothing that he and Jude have. Jude’s hard member is pressed up against him, making him wonder why he’s still conscious from all the ecstatic feeling he’s having right now. He felt Jude remove his hand in the confines of his, and next thing he feels is Jude palming his erection with the said hand. Just the contact of his hand, even with the layers of clothes still in between is enough for Connor’s knees to weaken. Once again, reluctantly, his lips left Jude’s as braced himself on Jude’s shoulder, his head slumping forward on Jude’s neck. Jude continued moving his hands, tracing over Connor’s erection on his pants. The constant motion and the impossibly warm temperature of Jude’s hand is sending Connor over the edge already. Just as Connor felt like his knees are going to give up, Jude pulled his hands away.

Connor was trying to catch up his breath. He was thankful for the wall and Jude’s support or else, his knees would’ve buckled a long time ago. Connor can feel Jude’s pulse as his face is rested upon his neck. 

“You ok?” Jude asked him. His voice, hoarse and his breathing ragged just like him. 

“Yeah” was what Connor only managed to say.

As soon as he muttered his response, Jude broke the too short pause they had as he impossibly removed his belt, opened the button of his pants and slid the zipper down in such a short amount of time. Jude’s hand falling right away at waistband of his boxer brief, and then he pulled it down along his pants. The lower clothing just falling down until Connor’s knees. His erection was completely exposed now, as he felt himself a little wet already from all Jude’s teasing. 

All of sudden, their position was reversed, his back now against the wall. Jude shifting his position, one of his legs just in between his. He leaned his head back against the wall, which he felt was a wrong move now, as a new wave of sensation hit him. 

With his right neck, being completely exposed, Jude saw the opportunity. He felt Jude’s tongue tracing a line from his collarbone just until the bottom of his jaw. Jude repeated the action once again, feeling his neck just get a little bit more wet from Jude’s tongue. Jude drawing his breath out over the trail, made Connor moan as the sensation hit him.

Meanwhile, Connor felt that Jude’s hands were busy as well. His fingers, tracing lines and circles on his inner thigh makes him moan from awareness of Jude’s touch. He feels like he’s becoming harder, the blood rushing down under. He felt like he couldn’t wait any further as he muttered “Jude, please”

He heard Jude chuckle at his plea, but granted it nonetheless. His fingers making one last trail on his hips and inner thigh, as it slowly made its way from the base until his head. Without waiting a second more, Jude’s hand firmly wrapped himself around him, sending heat and pleasure to Connor. Speed slow at first, Jude started moving his hand, making him weaker than ever. He can feel himself sliding down already from the wall. 

Jude sensing his weakness, held him up, pinning him harder on the wall with his own body and weight. Increasing the tempo and the rhythm, Jude’s moving faster now. His face on his neck now, planting small kisses on his pulse point. His thumb just brushing along his head, his grip on him just the right amount of tightness. He’s moaning Jude’s name endlessly now, as the pleasure inside him builds up. 

What sent him on the edge was Jude, removing himself from kissing his neck, into kissing him. Their lips even while connected, he was still moaning in between. Jude’s hands are moving faster than ever. 

Just a few seconds later, the familiar feeling of being close hit him. All he was able to say was “Jude…” his tone sending the clear message to the other boy already. Jude’s hands, maintaining the steady speed and motion. He can feel the sensation running at his back and at his inner thighs, as his legs tensed up, his toes just folding inward, bracing itself from the coming wave. Soon enough, he was spilling all over Jude’s hand and on the floor. As each stream of pleasure released, his mouth uttered Jude’s name, as well as other curse words and moans. 

When the last of the wave was released, Jude’s hands left him, as he helped pull up his pants and boxer brief. His body giving up on him as his weight was now fully supported by the wall and Jude. 

Slowly gathering his strength back, he continued to lean over Jude who gladly accepts him. His forehead resting upon Jude’s with his eyes closed. He really wanted to do the same thing to Jude, so when he felt that he was strong enough and his breathing has caught up, he flipped their position and pinned Jude on the wall once again. 

Jude gasped as he moved faster than he was. Soon enough, Jude was standing there, with pants and boxers at his ankle. Connor didn’t wait any further as his hands wrapped around Jude’s length, pre-cum already glistening at the tip of the head. Spreading it around with his thumb, Connor continued to slide his hands along the hardened member. Jude was gasping now, having shortness of breath already from all the sensation he is having. His head falling forward into the nook of Connor’s neck, his mouth latching on the area just above the collarbone. 

His movements were moving faster than ever, as Jude’s member slid in and out his hands. The span of time was shorter compared to his as just moments later, he can feel Jude tensing up already. Without a warning, he can feel Jude biting the area he was latching on as his seed spilled all over his hands, and then dropping to the floor. Jude’s joining his’ on the floor just moments ago. 

Connor feeling a little bit more frisky, continued to play Jude’s, his fingers brushing over his sensitive head already. He can feel Jude moan, and jerk over the sensation, as his thumb now circled the head. 

“Co…nnor…” Jude was able to mutter in between breaths. Begging him to stop. Not prolonging any further, he released Jude, and pulled up his clothing from his ankle. Once fully clothed once again, lifted Jude’s head up and planted small soft kisses, starting from his neck until they reached his lips. On which they continued. This time it was slow and passionate. 

Minutes passed by, which felt like hours to them before they pulled apart from each other. Connor was looking at Jude, who was blushing intensely right now. His eyes somewhat looking over his back. Tracing the line of his sight, Connor’s own gaze fell down on the reason why Jude was blushing. He can feel his cheeks heat up as well.

“We made a mess” Jude was able to mutter. He was looking at the opposite of the wall as there was an impossible sight at it. Connor wasn’t even sure if it was his or Jude’s.

“Goal? I guess” Connor said weakly, chuckling at his weak joke.

On the other hand, Jude started to laugh already. When his laughter died down, he said “We better clean it up”

“Yeah.” Connor said sheepishly. His hands rubbing his neck out of slight embarrassment. Planting one more kiss to Jude, they searched for cleaning materials to remove the mess they made.

~~

When they were sure that there were no more traces left, it was time to call it a night.

 

“Are you sure, you don’t want to stay?” Jude asked him. His eyes pleading that he stay for the night again. 

Holding Jude at his waist, Connor responded weakly. “As much as I want too, I really need to prepare myself for the midterms. In case you didn’t hear I didn’t start at all yet.”

“I can tutor you.” Jude said, his tone is making his resolve falter. 

“I know you’re really capable, but if it’s you, I’m 100% sure that I won’t be able to do any studying as all I will want to do is only this…” and Connor kissed him once again.

Breaking away a couple of seconds after, Jude conceded. “Fair enough”

With his bag on his back once again, Connor made his way out of Jude’s room.  
Giving Jude a quick kiss, he said. “I’ll stop by tomorrow afternoon. I promise”

“I’ll wait for you.” Jude replied as he kissed him back also. “Bye, Goodnight Connor.”

“Goodnight Jude” He smiled at him one last time and headed towards the stairs, going back to his own room. 

~~

When Connor turned around the corner and into the stairs, Jude closed his door and made his way back to his room.

He couldn’t believe what happened this day. He felt more happy than ever and he was grateful for it. Connor just gave him the perfect first date, it was simple but full of thought and feeling. If it wasn’t for the stupid headache or migraine he had at Abe’s shop it would’ve been a 100% perfect. Jude allowed himself the redundancy of his thought.

Changing into his pajamas, he then brushed his teeth and washed his face before deciding to fall into his bed now.

He was also happy that Mariana was here in the town, visiting and staying until Thanksgiving. He was really looking forward now to seeing the whole family once again. Plus the fact that Connor is invited and coming as well.

Finding the right, comfortable position, he rolled around until he settled on lying on his right side.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw an unfamiliar sight at his desk. Reaching out with his hand, he pulled it towards him to see what it was. It was the comics and book that Connor got from Abe’s. He must’ve forgotten it. Taking a picture of it in his hands, he texted it to Connor and said. “You forgot these” and he hit send.

Just seconds later, he heard the familiar sound, as he saw Connor’s name flash on his phone. “Shoot, yeah I forgot. I’ll get it tomorrow.”

“Now you definitely should come back tomorrow. :P”

Jude smiled at the thought of Connor going here once again. And seeing him once again. He decided to browse over the book first, looking at the synopsis and summary at the jacket cover. He’s going to skip Guardian of the Galaxy for now, as he wants to read it alongside Connor. 

Reading the summary made him interested. Seeing as his body is still alive and completely awake, he started reading it. 

Going into it, at one of the first pages it said 

WHY DO WE SMILE? WHY DO WE LAUGH? WHY DO  
we feel alone? Why are we sad and confused? Why do we read  
poetry? Why do we cry when we see a painting? Why is there  
a riot in the heart when we love? Why do we feel shame?  
What is that thing in the pit of your stomach called desire?

Reading those lines, those questions, send Jude to a deep thought. Every line and every question just encompasses his life so far right now. Every time he re-reads it, a different person, a different point in his life comes to his mind. There was something about these questions that evokes a beat in his heart right now. His family, himself, Matt. Connor. Connor. Connor.

Connor. 

~~

Connor slowly crept his way towards the room, closing the door carefully as to not wake Nick. Dropping his bag and removing his shoes, he didn’t even bother removing and changing his clothes. He plopped himself in his bed and decided to just go straight to sleep. All the mixture of his excitement and happiness with Jude, as well as the strain of carrying him made him bone tired. Just as he was closing his eyes, he heard his phone chime. Looking at it, he saw Jude’s name flash and his text flashing. 

“You forgot these” With a photo attachment with it. He slide his thumb across the screen, discovering that it was the book and comic. 

He quickly typed out. “Shoot, yeah I forgot. I’ll get it tomorrow.” And hit send quickly.

As soon as he put the phone down, his eyes shut, falling asleep immediately. 

~~

Connor was stirred up from his sleep by the sound of clicking, as well as the sunlight streaming over his window towards his room. Patting his bed to find his phone, he located it just on the edge of the bed, almost falling already. Opening just his right eye slightly, he looked at what time it was. The phone read 10:38 already. He groaned at how it was near lunch already. He was supposed to study, but his morning is already half over. He groaned at the prospect of what he needs to do. 

Reluctantly he opened his eyes now, only discovering that the source of the clicking noise seconds ago was Nick, hovering above, taking pictures of him. Grabbing one of his pillow, he threw it at Nick, who easily dodged it.

“Go away man, I’m tired” Connor turned to his side, shielding his face with his remaining pillow.

“Connor, it’s almost lunch. I made breakfast though but it’s getting cold already so…” Nick pulled out Connor’s remaining pillow. “… haul your ass up and eat.”

Connor’s stomach growled loudly, betraying his thoughts of not wanting to get up yet. Conceding to the calls of his stomach, Connor groggily rose up and headed up towards the toilet first to take a pee.

“Why were you taking pictures anyway??” Connor said as he relieved himself, not even bothering closing the door. The familiarity and closeness to Nick extending to not caring at all with these type of things. 

Nick, who’s back was facing him, just put his phone over his shoulders, so that the screen was easily visible to Connor. It was a close up picture of his neck, particularly just above his collarbone. A prominent bruise easily seen. His mind raced back to last night, realizing it was Jude who unconsciously did it when he latched on that particular spot. He felt himself blushing.

Finishing relieving himself up, he pulled up his pants, he raced towards Nick who was already running away from him.

“Not cool man. Give it back.” Connor huffed as he ran towards him.

“No, for the sake of future purposes, I can blackmail you with this.” Nick teased him.

Connor who still felt tired just gave up and settled himself down their mini table, grabbing the plate of eggs toast and bacon and started to devour it.

“Slow down there big boy” Nick said as he sat opposite him. 

“So this… guy?”   
Connor can hear the hesitation on Nick’s voice.

“Yeah Nick, it’s a guy” Connor confirmed nonchalantly as chowed down his food even more. Where in fact, inside he was nervous on how his best friend will react to him dating and liking a guy. He could feel his hands shaking, and he tried to hide it by directing his hand to just continue eating and handling his spoon. 

“Ok, didn’t know you’re into guys?” asked Nick casually. He leaned back on his chair as he started browsing over his phone. 

The normal tone of Nick’s voice, plus his casualness erased his fear over his best friend reacting negatively. With all gloomy thought thrown out of the way, he smiled fully. 

“Yeah, didn’t know it either until him. His name is Jude by the way.” His smile truly genuine now. 

“Jude. Nice name. He’s cute?” Glancing over his phone, smirking at Connor.

“Are you trying to hit up on him?” Connor said, pausing munching his food just to tease back at Nick.

“No no, I’m just wondering who this person was that you let him give you a hickey as big as this one” Nick showing the picture once again. 

Laughing, he flicked over a piece of his scrambled egg on Nick’s face, using his spoon. It landed just on the side of his lips. Scooping it out with his fingers, he just threw it right back at Connor. 

Connor just removed it with his fingers and put it at the side of his plate. 

“Ok tell me more about him” Nick curiously asked.

And with a smile, Connor told him all about Jude. 

~~

Jude spent his whole entire night reading the book. He couldn’t put it down after reading that first page. The sun was starting to peak out of the horizon when he finally finished the book. By the end of it, he was crying over how beautiful the book was, and how much he liked what happened with the two characters. 

Maybe, if all things go well, he also wants to discover every secrets of the universe with Connor. That is how he is feeling right now. Maybe Connor is the Dante to him being Aristotle. 

Remembering one particular line right now, he stretched out his hand above his, placing it just at the position of the rising sun. Imagining he’s grasping it with his own hand. 

“Scars. A sign that you had been hurt. A sign that you had healed.”

Inside his mind, he was thinking, maybe, in the slightest chance, that the wounds that his heart was carrying were already scars. 

For the first time, he felt that he’s starting to completely heal up. 

Notes:

I have never written a chapter so fast as this one. Usually it takes me at least 2 days to write one chapter because I can’t just sit still in one sitting and pour my brain cells into it.

But this one had me working relentlessly. 

I hope you enjoy this one as well. A lot of reference quotes and parts came from my favourite book, “Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe” by Benjamin Alire Saenz. I might use some line from the book here and there from now on as I see fit. 

As I’m sure you know, I’m not great at writing anything smut so sorry if I failed at the first part. 

Also thank you to everyone who congratulated me on the promotion. :D  
Really appreciate it. 

See you next chapter everyone! As usual comments are welcome down below.


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